abnormal

crying and trembling the sound of the forest in the rain

mountain peaks and plummets indication of metamorphosis

it’s all there in black and white, different shapes and new words

the lines and curves holding each other in intimate embrace

it seems so common, benign, just a neo-hieroglyph on paper

abnormal:deviating from standard, typically undesirable

it has been following me from childhood into this minute

abnormal…looking around normal seems disgusting, vile

normal is the death of souls, societies, saints and sinners

normal is pop-up houses and cut-out cardboard people

the standard set by hallow monsters, unappealing

but the paper, it’s waltzing, twirling giggles and squiggles

changed it all, now inside out hanging me upside down

what was a badge of honor, a proclamation of valor

now a gun pointed at my head, cocked and ready

abnormal the thick fog of uncertainty and dread

painting pictures of confusion and cognitive deterioration

fear soaking and saturating every cell in my body

reading rereading researching reevaluating revising

to no longer be in control of me, lost in the world

the smell of shit and bleach, screams moans pleading

a possibility repeating itself like a scratched record

plastic tubes, water as thick as pudding, locked doors

the abnormal contorting their faces into fake smiles

the hope for an end a cease fire of suffering

causing internal conflicts and sprouting guilt

“just wait until we find out how abnormal you are”

can’t stop the terrors and the nightmares of wide eyes

the abnormal with no awareness of present times

a living breathing memory, a prison of history

it’s not death or god or no god or dark or fire

the threat is not in the possibilities of the end

madness and degeneration years of senility

the screaming pain of torture hiding in shadows

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

happy aniversary

Image

only a weirdo can understand and appreciate another weirdo

you have enriched my life so much, added a depth and explanation

you balance me, you teach me through simply being by my side

botticelli capturing you on canvas, venus beautiful and new

a goddess among mortals, the embodiment of love and sex

you love quietly; love is in your eyes and the funny way you smile

(and even the way you wipe your nose on me)

your love is the way you are compassionate to even the most wicked

a smoldering of embers breaking through the darkness

you have given so much and asked so little in return

hope and eternity, the forever and ever box now decorated

my soul engulfed in your arms finding comfort and safety, strength

you have no interest in boxing the wildness of me, the feral animal

encouraging the emotional heavy weight champion to emerge

swinging with forethought and strategy, no more frenzied war

together we fight the hatred, the intolerance, the oppression

our hands clasped, facing it fearless together, one voice rising

our union is a calm and assurance, a promise of hope and joy

there are no words, no collection of letters, symbols and sounds

dance, whirl and twirl to the beat, you will always be my favorite song

silent night, holy night (trigger warning- graphic rape and death and truth)

there are many monsters finding homes in shadows

setting up shop in back alleys and underground tunnels

they get together and draw a picture of a predator

detailing his pionty teeth, goatte, gold medallions

getting lost in the forest of chest hair, the hunched shoulders

the van of abduction white tinted windows with logos or icecream

“children you need to be careful and don’t go with strangers

you can get hurt, they will do bad things stranger danger”

the stories of pedophiles peddling candy to the innocent

or the box of puppies used to entice little girls and boys away

we forget about the children who go home and the evil emerges

the hunter in a stand waiting with bated breath for game

the villain in the walls and the fear and hatred of life

the turning of heads and denial of responsibility by others

sorry, kiddo, i gotta work then i have a yoga class, busy schedule

there is no hideaway, no treehouse, no neighbor with rosy cheeks

the good boys and girls have been told by their mommies and daddies

that you are not the good person they should be seen in public with

and even though you are not to blame you are not to be talked to

you carry in your hands the alpha and omega of karmic proportions

a very sad victim of circumstance-drugs, rocknroll and rape

the screaming voice begging for help has been taken and burned

any chance of escape slips further away as more and more

initiates into the taboo of moral decline and killers of ego

dance past with a smile and a nod and a pat on the head

a constant look out for the escape hatch or hidden button

the scooby doo bookcase that flips you into the safety

a passageway between your bed and the outside

outside is more inviting than home when the devil sees

honing in on an oppurtunity to revisit the room full of dolls

dolls with the sparkling happy faces and the hymen intact

turn your head, eyes closed, block it out, don’t make a sound

this is the emmy winning drama “the rapist of my life”

you were left and he took over, breaking promises

forging lies of glittering silver and needle marks

you can smell it in the sweat dripping on your face

the egg of death and starter fluid, a gooey violent center

cracking, sending sickness swimming down your thighs

the dreams of ponies, rainbows, and pretty pink flowers

have been boxed up and given away to other children

you have no more time for things such as those

there is no use to have dolls when you can have babies

bearing the sin of the father, growing and nurturing

your childhood replaced with a child of your own

a ten year old mother smart enough and strong enough

to find a hope and a prayer for the salvation of the future

after the midnight “bonding” and the taking and shaking

as mother screams “why do you want her more than me”

it’s safe to close your eyes and search for a hope and a safety

a time of frantic praying to anything and a wish on a star

“star light star bright first star i see tonight i wish i may

i wish i might have the wish i wish tonight!” soothing words

a song of hope that died long ago reborn renewed

a prayer, a mantra, a dream, a fantasy, begging the omnipotent

the one who turned on you as you face the house of horrors alone

god and the devil in casinos and your life as betting chips

rolling dice and drinking shots while you becoming the new job

growing a monster made of a monster in a monster paradise

the king dick of killers of innocence and murderers of love

the repo man hitching your innocence up and towing it away

the last hope, the only solace left in the darkness and terror

the cold dark blood stained sheets and the pillow soaked in tears

the thing that will be human, it moves and kicks twisting inside

a light, one ray of hope shining through the curtain and darkness

“whoever, wherever you are, if you are, please, please help me!

i will do anything at all, please just help!  i can’t go on!  i can’t…”

pacts and promises offered and no response from the shop upstairs

the cancer moves, growing, expanding your belly, eating the baby fat

you are no longer a baby and it is time that you are a woman

the mother of your brother who grows inside planted by the father

the off ramps all closed for repair, leaving only one escape

as the water spills down mixing with the nightly bank deposits

the liquid reminder that you are daddy’s favorite girl and toy

as the mother screams in jealous rages and forgets her duties

the morality killed by needles full of poison and insanity

the problems of the screaming devils no longer audible

the only sound is the sound of catching your breath in pain

the sound of your feet scurrying for the items packed away

the case of preparation built months before in silence

“the next pain it will be time, are you ready? you can do it!”

legs and feet prepared, all the ritual tools at the ready

the magical truth found-the life and death of everything

it is never clean, never pretty, blood in blood out

as the pain begins under the ribs moving down

the huge mass folding in on itself, body screaming

there will be no baby, no doll, it’s time for daddy’s girls to go

no prayers, no crying, one sound heard:a shot to the head

the unholy product is taken gently by the silence of the newly dead

 

 

graeae in small town oklahoma

Image

graeae of greek mythology
art found at http://www.mythweb.com/encyc/images/graeae.html

we aren’t quite sure why, the what and the how are clear

but the essence of propulsion, the driving force

is locked in boxes in boxes in boxed in code

we have spent long nights in electric parlors

designing philosophies of pinpoint accuracy

anthropological physics drawing x&y equations

burning calories in conversational warfare

intellectual mechanics churning hopping bopping

expelling ticker tape in ancient swirling symbols

the attempts of the few free minds

the psyches unchained, unhindered

the original mint condition cadillac of mentality

resorting to guessing games and scavenger hunts

all in the attempt to unearth the source of your madness

you are a plague, a pestilence, the fall of emotional economics

a brush fire among the dry mesquite of walking talking clowns

is there a new disease unleashed

and you without an umbrella or vaccine

or is it a poison, radiation seeping

into the water flowing into your veins

a green, nuclear sludge from bullets and bombs

the idea of demonic possession almost valid

to those pragmatist toting atheist philosophies

your magnitude can make the devil appear

your evil wicked cruelty makes demons cringe

is it the ghost of ancient cultures and dinosaurs extinct

haunting the halls in your mind, howling and scratching

did they forget your shiny new toy in your happy meal

you and yours, kindred souls nestled in hate

created by the capture and drowning of angels

the most dangerous of all monsters has a dazzling smile

and loving eyes, grey hair whispering hippie rhetoric

bringing in those poor saps who signed up for self sacrifice

your love of baked goods, cookies and grandchildren

your love of seeing the full explosion of pain and eruption of tears

the salty drops you collect in bottles living in the spice rack

bedazzling and beading injustice, degradation, cruelty and threats

your gaggle of witches and your coven of bitches

spreading nightmares and progressive famine

the clown with the red lips and the dumpy hips in the lead

the unassuming whispering nymph of poetry and pen

sporting the used pastel floral print dresses and bongs

because smoking weed and hemingway are the true blue

the new call of your battle acapella escaping tiny mouths

belting out voices saying the lines you placed in tiny brains

your club of unreasonable hatred and destruction

gluton free brunch of faux feminists

the flaunting of a new brand of cruel

call it surreal and fools fork over payola

there are those who see your clothed hatred

the time for unveiling has arrived with the mail

and you the hateful, the liars, the pretenders

you have been exposed and high-lighted

the triple divinity with los vegas personas

the plastic skin bubbling and dripping off

exposing the suffering and loathing gooey middle

but your darkness cannot block the light

the moon still hangs bright in the night

friendship, comradery an end to loneliness

are dazzling jewels of hope out of your reach

so do your dance shake and jive swing those hips

speak your hypnotic bullshit and flash the dentures bright

you the lying clan of agitators, the red wine stain of spite

 

 

maybe probably more than likely the dumbest poem ever

i am completely embarrassed to admit i wrote this…..but my partner has insisted i put it up, that it is funny and that i am a complete fool (i am assuming she is saying i am half fool half weirdo) there was begging and pleading on both sides and i conceded to her only bc the ratio of me being correct v her being correct is very much off plum bc i am always right-she needs to feel like she has a fighting chance….so for amy, i will post the most idiotic piece i have ever written and i only wrote it bc it was pounding in my brain when i was trying to sleep, which maybe the most embarrassing part of all of this:

-the anthem of an angry teenage lesbian-

one two “hey fuck you!”

three four “I want more!”

five six “i hate dicks!”

seven eight “ate????”

nine ten “we broke up again”

that’s it the end

just another day in paradise

BITCH

FAT

NASTY

STUPID 

WHORE

ARROGANT

CRUEL

CUNT

FAUX-MARTYR

DUMB

INSANE

MEAN

SLUT

UGLY

GROSS

IDIOT

TWAT

CRAZY

UPTIGHT

DELUSIONAL

LIAR

FAKE TRASH

GUTTER-BORN

GUTTER-BOUND

FEMA-NAZI

HYPOCRITICAL

MAN HATER

DYKE

FAGGOT

ROTTEN

SCUM

WORTHLESS

FULL OF SHIT

MONSTER

HALF-WIT

PUSSY EATIN’

LOW LIFE

HORRIBLE

DOPE FEIND

JUST LIKE YOUR MOM

JUST LIKE YOUR SISTER

RAGING

VIOLENT

FOOL

HOLLOW

UNDESERVING

SELF-CENTERED

SELF-ABSORBED

SELF-SERVING

SELFISH

SNOB

EGOCENTRIC

ASSHOLE

FRIENDLESS

ANTISOCIAL

MISERABLE

MANIPULATIVE

DEVIL

UNEDUCATED

ILLITERATE

DUMB-ASS

REJECT

HATED

LOATHED

WIDE ASS

BIG BOOBS

RANCID

CREATURE

INHUMAN

TRAITOR

INTERLOPER 

PSEUDO-INTELLECT

CALLOUSED

MORON

UNLOVABLE

OBESE

PITIFUL

FUCKED UP

GARBAGE

“WHY IS SHE CRYING?”

“BECAUSE SHE’S CRAZY!”

“BECAUSE SHE WANTS ATTENTION!”

“SHE’S A LIAR!”

“SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BITCH!”

“SHE’S NOT SICK! IT’S FAKE!”

“I HATE HER!”

“I WISH SHE WOULD DIE!”

“YOU’RE BUSTING OUT OF THAT BRA!”

“I NEVER USED THE WORD ‘FAT’!”

“THERE IS NO ONE WHO LIKES YOU!”

“THEY JUST PITY YOU!”

“YES, I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER!”

“YOU AREN’T ENOUGH!”

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”

“I AM LEAVING!”

“YOU MAKE ME MISERABLE!”

i am breaking

there are too many cracks in the foundation

walls crumbling

my defenses slowly decaying and breaking apart

just wet cardboard

i can’t breath under this weight, fish out of water

stupid to struggle

i just want to go to sleep-a dreamless, thoughtless void

the-stoning-of-soraya