the puppet show starts at 1:00

moses went mad

when he shimmied down

the face of mount sinai

he knew god ran out of ink

before the last words

“thou shall think for thy self”

that is the crux of it all

determining the scam from reality

now that’s the money maker

weeding through the piles

of nonsensical bullshit 

disguised in a pink chiffon dress

we live and learn and lie

it’s the way it has been 

since the evolution and development

of the prefrontal cortex 

manipulation comes too quickly

greed lust gluttony can be found

at the nearest all you can eat buffet

those with shoving food

nonstop into their mouths

while others wait quietly

by the dumpsters 

in hopes the cat smoking a cigarette

is too lazy to pour the poison

on top of the potential meal

just a small ray of hope

brought about by starvation

and sleep deprivation

everything else dances away

need is all that remains

rational, acceptable, obtainable

just concepts that cost too much

participation through apathy

to ignore and forget echoes consent

those on top, nameless and faceless

pulling strings forcing plastic smiles

they don’t worry, they don’t fret

their children do not get sick

all is right in the world 

but down here in fuckedville

poverty and desperation is the fuel

every moment is reaction

our instincts polished 

time is a luxury item

that we simply cannot afford

back then

centuries of learned destruction

one after the other after the other

a snowball rolling down hill

it all started with just a tiny snowflake

here we all sit in today, this hour, this minute

never seen before and never seen again

there are times i want to grab the moment

i want to hold it like a lover and keep it safe

there are the times my mind

my thoughts swims backward

i walk into my 6 year old self

everything looks different

nothing is familiar or comforting

there is a tension that is palpable

in the air, a dense fog of unhappiness

my mother screaming at full volume

my dad laughing then driving away

my sister and i not even cringing

“guess we aren’t having supper tonight”

we play candy land because that is fun

apologies, drunk stupors, violence, bruises

nostalgia is a bitch in red heels

the tin man and the big bad wolf: best friends forever

we are living in a house of cards

a constant evolution 

and proper introductions

uneasy unhappy unimpressed

and the cards keep flowing

layers and layers

great facade of spades

no big bad wolf is needed

to huff and puff 

this house will fall itself

just a trembling hand

and gravity’s grip

where will you go when life stops

not death, worse

madness and sadness and panic

my soul aches

i am full of emotions

but my thoughts are empty

like the tin man

another deck of cards opened

new and crisp

there isn’t much time left

cards shaking

it will collapse into itself

so gather the children

and sing them a song of change

as the world crumbles  

it’s like punching a tree

sometimes fear

washes over me

without warning

not even a whisper

a cold thick sensation

my brain and body

submerged in a swamp

i don’t fear something

i just fear it all

questions float and dip

i can’t get my bearings

i can’t find east

my life has become

a scooby doo rerun

everyone running

to nowhere, just trying

to escape the inescapable

walking means falling

stuttering through stories

my skin a water-balloon

all movement stops

trembling like a leaf

in an arctic wind

exhaustion and fatigue

tossing and turning 

writhing and thrashing

muscles acting alone

without consent

waiting and wondering

blood, pictures, tubes

the anesthesiologist

doctors behind masks

instruments down my throat

cutting and scraping

stenosis and sclerosis

15 pills twice daily

the nervous pacing echos

fear they won’t find it

hope it’s treatable

fear it will be too late

hoping for a day to spare

living in doubt of my mind

specialists of all sorts

neuro- micro-specialists  

 all the resources available

there is still no one to answer

the burning question:

what the fuck is wrong with me

a toast to humanity-shall she always pay on time

there are huge holes

where it all fell apart

sometimes eroded

acid burning through

smoke, ash, smoldering

they stand back

tears dripping from eyes

mothers squeezing tight

children shaking, muted

expendable, cheap labor

humanity in their faces

ignored, never seen

just another disaster

just another hand-out

our ties to life unraveling

most a means to an end

most are commodities

who gives a fuck

why should anyone care

just people in mud-huts

throwing rocks and animal shit

hospitals, schools, all the same

this is the legacy we are leaving

murder, rape, torture, mockery

and genocide-

what a nasty word

calling forth images

of hitler and pavelic

dancing in your mind

discussions over coffee

dreams of manifest destiny

deranged and far away

it’s all someone else’s problem

so easy to forget 

the united states built by slaves

sweet sweet cortez the rapist

columbus an idiot murderer

great founders and brave men

slaughter

rape

kidnapping

massacres

decimation

theft

slavery

annihilation of nations

selling and trading people

the lessons of the past

the promises on paper

treaties burned 

we are sophisticated

all high tech and savvy

fracking

tar sands

pipelines

poverty

ignorance

theft of resources

drugs

fascist reaction to civil uprising

pepper spraying old ladies

killing men who sit quietly

children hit with sticks

grey matter smeared on bricks

imprisoning the poor

creating race riots

to keep division

to maintain authority 

our eyes are opening

we are no longer sleeping

dreaming your poppy dreams

we are too effected

you went too far

the death of trayvon martin

the arrest of chelsea manning

refusing access to water in south america

earthquakes with no fault lines

slick evasion with two-sided answers

watching death

watching feminine

watching hunger

watching denial

restaurants pouring poison

on top of food so no one 

can eat it

it’s not something of the past

it is today

it’s not something far away

it’s in our towns

it’s not done by some brown guy in a turban

it is those we pay

it is palin

it is bush1

it is bush2

it is chaney

it is bauchman

it is obama

it is shannon

it is keystone xl

it is the correction corp of america

it is the geo group

it is police

it is minimum wage

it’s borders

monsters created and funded

by us to keep us where they want us

and if we get too out of hand

and ask too many questions

there is always a gag

a tragedy

a means to destroy

there can always be burning embers

please kindly remove your laws from my girlie parts

hello there

it’s nice to meet you

you can call me “v”

i’m 30 and i am trapped

i am trapped in 1997

walls no windows

projectors playing

i relive the day

the day i turn 13

life changed immediately

i can feel the wind

a hot june texas wind

i can hear the people

the people outside of me

the people having no idea

i know the smell of the room

and the sound of scraping

i wasn’t stupid, i heard it before

“having sex blah blah blah

don’t have sex”

never giving me a way out

no one showed me how

how to be a person

how to validate myself

i am full of regret 

i am a monster

i am a murderer

that is what they say

i couldn’t ask for the pill

the shame of sex

it’s powerful and paralyzing

but as i pace my prison

i wonder why

no discussion and no tools

what the fuck was i gonna do

please don’t regret 

love you

birth would have destroyed us

both of us

-the fetus

hi

i’m “m”

i was wild

and crazy

and in love

but the family name

“our” reputation on the line

when my pants were too small

when hiding it wasn’t possible

i went on vacation

not that vacation on the beach

or to vegas

i went to the darkness

i went to live with the nuns

i would feel it move

it would kick my ribs

then that day came

legs spread apart

my body acting alone

pushing even when exhausted

i heard him cry once

then i heard the door slam

he was gone, just gone

according to the church

there was no option

birth control=murder=damnation

i still wonder who he is

i am 43

it’s been a good life

i wasn’t hit

i wasn’t yelled at

i don’t know hunger

thank you for giving me a chance at life

-the baby boy

i need to fix

i am feeling sick

…………………….

my name is “r”

in my life you do

what you have to

that’s it plain truth

there is no tomorrow

there is only three hours

to get the money 

if i don’t….

so i worked 

i fucked and sucked

but i got enough money

they pay more

with their dicks exposed

i have a room at the motel

he likes it dirty 

whatever to cover the room

last week i had 120 tricks

i ate once or twice

when you fuck someone

already knocked up

that means no child support

some are just into that

i aim to please

i am gonna be honest

i wanted that baby

the police took the others

i had a plan all set up

there was this old lady

she lived two rooms over

sometimes we worked together

she used to be a nurse

it was a sweet lick

all the dope you want right there

she told me how it happened

i can’t remember, something 

she got caught….

hey i think that’s it

she was taking dope

she worked in a nursing home

most of them couldn’t talk

hold on a minute,,,,

so the old lady knew what to do

no doctors no hospitals no cops

the water broke in the motel office

i was giving the asshole head

then i could feel the water dripping

as soon as his cock was done

he said “you need to clean that up”

“yeah well fuck you”

so it was me and the old lady

we fixed up 

poppy, my little girl

it all worked out

it was good for a few hours

i guess it was a few hours

who knows….

then poppy shit everywhere

she kept throwing up

her cry was more of a moan

growling and hushed

she was shaking real bad

her heart was racing

but the old lady said 

that is just how babies are

so i laid her down next to me

and we fell asleep

when i woke up 

her lips were blue

she was stiff 

like a rock with skin

the guy at the front desk

he took her to the hospital

he told them some bullshit lie

they told him poppy was dead

that she died from withdraw

it hurt forever

the forever i remember

it doesn’t hurt now

it doesn’t anything now

i am better

i am glad i got out when i did

but i wish i had you with me

you would sing and it was beautiful

-poppy

law protecting the fetus

demanding incubation

taking control

of cunts and uteri

those brave enough to terminate

never getting help

those too young

those too alone

those who simply

can’t

won’t

don’t

it doesn’t matter why

dear world,

thank you for your concern

we are a clump of cells

we look human 

but we are chemical reactions

we are the division of cells

we don’t have brains

until we have floated in our water bubble

for 24 weeks

we have gathered together and unanimously 

please let us be until we are wanted

-the babes of humanity

you can’t see

blindfolded

babies in dumpsters

children sleeping in ditches

beaten, shaken, degraded

neglected and ignored

this is our legacy?

we teach abstinence 

we lie with false data

we shame, we blame

instead of regulation

it is time for education

educating the toddler

who asks “why” all the time

educating of the children

without fear or shame

educating the teens

when the hormones

kick in good and fast

when they get tingly 

between their legs

the denial is deadly

our future needs access

to birth control

to proper use 

to their bodies

when 16 and pregnant

has more views than the news

society has fucked up

who can have unwanted pregnancy:

preteens

bankers

whores

teenagers

ad executives

bartenders

artists

college students

the poor 

the rich

the rape victim

the girl from taco bell

drug reps

doctors

nurses

lawyers

judges

cops

the uneducated

hipsters

nerds

cheerleaders

dancers

PEOPLE

 

the road is closed ahead

what if you wore pain

like a sweater in summer

what if it were tangible, visible

what color would abuse be

i remember mood rings

and lipsticks that changed

red or blue or pink or orange

thought to be a public service

it was bullshit

but there was someone trying

the rage and disgust piled and heaped

forced onto the backs of women

they carry it without complaint

a beast of burden has no voice

it simply does what it’s told

when tired or hungry or slow

it’s beaten, it’s struck with anything

the closest handy dandy weapon

we all knew the bitter hatred

eyes swollen shut, knots on the head

distinguishable fingerprints

the whirly swirly mark of you alone

around the throat leaving a mute mess

weakness and frailty were gifts

that is how a proper lady behaves

perfect for a predator just easy prey

tides change and consent to abuse

is no longer conditioning but a choice

there were emergency exits a-plenty

but the lessons were not learned

the words were repeated verbatim

without meaning or comprehension

NOW

there is a girl screaming

there is a girl bleeding

there is a girl begging

but it’s played out like a silent movie

a mime trapped in a box

the hope and light and love fade

the beautiful dancing daughter

laughter a whisper for others

the olive skinned girl with bouncing curls

has come in last place in your rat race

the sacred contract written in blood

was broken years ago

promises whispered in tiny ears

forgotten, lost, broken

bruises, threats, neglect, dismissal

a daughter tapped into survival

there were warnings flashing red

the all of her will be destroyed

the fire will be extinguished

the wants and needs and comfort

the selfishness a big red boot

weakness, fear, loneliness, guilt, discontent, shame, misery, irresponsibility, thoughtlessness, immaturity, immoral, erratic, absence

unattainable, unavailable luxuries

fool’s gold and glass diamonds

isn’t her sparkle, her dance imperative

or is it a burnt offering to the ego