so it begins

ok first of all-i rarely use capitalization or correct punctuation so if that is an issue, please try to see past it.
i am trying the whole blogging thing out, again.  i think i have about 6 post blogs floating around in cyberspace somewhere or the other and i have just forgotten about them.  but here i am again.
things are crazy.  it’s everywhere.  i mean, right now we are threatening another country with war…our kids aren’t receiving proper educations and monsanto has fucked our food up!  big huge corporations are buying up land and fracking chemicals out, shipping sludge all over north america and moving into south america, spilling huge amounts of poisons everywhere.  ppl of color are incarcerated at alarming rates daily over nonsense like drugs.  queer ppl are beaten.  and all ppls are on the brink of total homogenization.  so with all this why even try?  man, a blog ain’t gonna do nothin’ to stop it!  words, they are just words!  what a waste of time! o but i totally beg to differ with that sentiment!
words are verbal symbols!  they have power to provoke action!   without words we are formless, we are divided and we are muted.  but a blog?  really, how lame are you gettin?  well, i guess it might be lame, a waste of my time, a waste of a reader’s time.  maybe, but maybe not. 
see it’s like this, to me: i completely suck at doing social stuff.  i am real bad at parties, i am too loud and too outrageous for the most “liberal” locals in the area that we live in.  of course anyone that votes democrat in the state of oklahoma is a liberal, and there aren’t many of those around, so when someone comes along and has the notion of complete destruction of political power and egalitarian individual ethics, it’s too much for them to handle.  so locals tend to avoid me and my very strong beliefs.  but does that mean that i should shut my pie hole?  i thought that might be the best option.  then i realized i have never let the opinions of others dictate my course of action, never.  as a matter of fact that opposition usually propels me into a fury of doing-so here i go!!!

for me, it all started when i was 10 and heard my first ever dead kennedy’s song.  maybe it was there before that, really, there has to be a reason a 10 year old grabs hold of a song like too drunk to fuck for dear life and goes into a completely underground lifestyle when all of their friends are moonwalking to thriller or singing madonna in their bathroom mirrors.  for a very long time i tried to be something normal.  i wanted friends and not to have to think about holes in the ozone layer and deforestation.  i would pretend to not find money repulsive, i would pretend to giggle at what the other girls giggled at even though i couldn’t understand what was even going on.  i read and i read and i read, but i never told anyone about it.  i wrote poetry and short stories.  i met some ppl that were like me.  not many, but some.  there was this guy, josh, that was older and cool and we would hang out.  one day i was doing the gigglie i am stupid thing i did and he told me “it’s quite unbecoming on you-stupidity.  everyone can tell it’s forced.  why not just be yourself?” that was it.  i realized  that it was ok for me to be different.  it was who i was.  i started watching and studying the ppl around me.  by the time i was 14 i had a pretty good grasp on the fact that pretty was not smart and smart was not pretty.  strong was not pretty, loud was not pretty, and i was not pretty.  i went with that.
now, i am an adult.  i have 3 kids.  i have a partner who is amazing!  i have an exhusband who lives with us.  there are six of us in the house.  we are poor, but we like it that way.  i mean we eat at least 3 times a day.  we talk.  we are never alone.  i never giggle.  i do however laugh, alot.  i still read, but the poetry and short stories went to the way-side.  i am focusing on oral storytelling nowdays.  my concerns are no longer just ecological.  i find myself fighting for the rights of ppl classified as “other”-differently-abled, neurodiverse, queer, trans, women, ppl of color, ppl in prison, homeless, poor, undereducated; the ppl who make up most of society but are placed on the outside, the pariahs.
so that’s what it is.  that’s what i got to offer…just a different opinion than the mainstream.  i am open to discourse and conversation, so feel free to leave a comment or two.

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