i have major issues with western medicine. it started 18 years ago when i had my oldest son, and has morphed into different styles and colors but it is always disgust and disdain that i hold for the healthcare system. sometimes it is hard to separate hatred for the system from hatred for the healthcare professional. many times these emotions overlap and feed into each other. drs are taught to look at us in parts, systems, as though we are not holistic beings we are pieces that work independent of each other-which is false. we are electrical impulses and chemicals and cells and organs and systems and a person.
for the last 10 years i have been struggling with illness. during the first 6 months, i was probed, prodded, analyzed, xrayed, and diagnosed with everything from ovarian cancer (which was not true) to being mentally insane (also not true), but after a year the drs snuggled down into the diagnosis of fibromylgia and osteoarthritis in my back. they loved this diagnosis. it was cozy, but it was wrong.
this last june, out of the blue, i lapsed into complete exhaustion. i could not keep my eyes open. i did what you are supposed to do, i went to the dr. he just shrugged and said “i dunno what to tell you…” we asked, and yes we must ask, to have blood work done. he tested my thyroid in the office and it turned out to be low, so he sent me to the lab to have a more comprehensive look at my actual levels-all came back normal. “i dunno what to tell you…..” again we asked for him to run more labs. by this point there were some obvious neurological things happening in my body-involuntary muscle spasms, a burning feeling under my skin, feeling like i did when i was 14 and would drink 3 bottles of mad dog 20/20, after i threw up but before i would pass out-that spinning, chawhawhawha, feeling, one sided tingling, falling down, lethargia, nausea, inability to speak i full sentences. all of these things and more but none constantly. he ran the blood work, and i am waiting to hear from my neurologist.
the last time we went to the dr it was about 2 weeks ago. he had my lab results back. my partner and i sat in the room. i was prepared to hear “i dunno what to tell you….”, that is what they all say, everytime. she was nervous. sometimes i think she might doubt my sanity too, but she is just too polite to say so. the dr in his stiff lab coat came into the room. he pulled my chart up on his handydandy computer and started reading off my results “your cbc looks good, chemistries are right, sed rate is ok, there is nothing wrong with you liver, kidneys are functioning correctly…..” i just hung my head-fuck here we are again! great! my partner was starting to tear up. “o but you have mono.”
i explained to the dr that i had been diagnosed with mono about 13 years ago. it was so bad that they had me in the hospital and i continued to show up negative for it, so they thought i had lymphoma. i went through a round of chemo before the test came back positive. it was a pretty severe case.
mono is caused by a virus called epstien barre, and your body creates antibodies to fight this virus. in some ppl, they never have mono, but in others they can have chronic mono. the mono would not be causing the neurological problems. however, epstien barre can cause other issues. one of the issues is a syndrome called guillian barre syndrome and it is an autoimmune disorder that eats away at the mylan sheath of the neurons causing many many problems. your mylan is a fatty tissue that helps aid in the reception and transmission of neurotransmitting chemicals which travel from nerve cell to never cell telling your body what to do. any variation in the mylan sheath, causing problems with the nerves functioning properly.
so now we have a possible answer.
it’s really an odd feeling to be excited about having a life-long neurological autoimmune disorder. it’s not something that you want to have, but at least it’s something, and i am not insane.