flare ups suck

there is a difference between relapse and flareups.  i was skating along in life in remission, then last june i hit a brick wall.

all of a sudden i was exhausted, so tired i would be talking and then fall asleep.  my neurological symptoms came back with a vengeance.  there are times that i feel like i am falling.  i can be walking down the hall or through the kitchen and feel as though i had just gotten off of a tilt-a-whirl, actually, the feeling is more like how i would feel when i was 13 and would drink bottles of maddog 20/20, puke then lay on the floor w life swirling around me.  there are times i become confused.  there are times that i lose sensation in half of my body and have weakness.  my involuntary systems are out of whack.  my digestive tract is barely functioning at all.  swallowing is difficult, and my respiration become irradiate.  my blood pressure is high, i am tachacardiac (fast heartbeat) and my thyroid is underactive but all of the levels appear to be fine.  i have a very small amount of good cholesterol an very high bad cholesterol, even though i am a very healthy eater.

my sensory levels are extremely low and my brain is interpreting things into pain that are not painful-cold feels like i am being cut, i can feel certain noises.  the other day i was at walmart with amy, and a man dropped a can.  a sudden loud noise can lead the neurotypical person to maybe jump, but for me it felt like i was punched, like i was physically assaulted.  it took me about 30 seconds to realize i had not been hit.  noises, like the fan in the bathroom, are unbearable.

then there is the pain.  it feels like my skin is sitting, gooey side down, and a burning hot skillet.  my muscles rope up and spasm.  i have jerks that cause me to flail.  my skin is hypersensative.  sometimes wearing certain fabrics is more than i can stand.

so this is the normal.  the everyday.  the common place.

but a flareup is the normal relapse symptoms on steroids, figuratively.  my thresholds for pain are extremely low.  the exhaustion is so bad i can barely walk to the bathroom alone bc i just can’t hold my body up.  i run fevers even though there is no present infection.  taking a shower is akin to climbing a mountain.  i can only wear certain clothes bc my skin is so sensitive other fabrics make me cry. my lymph nodes swell.  my temperament changes, i literally don’t have the energy to be patient.  sleeping for longer than a couple of hours at a time is impossible, it’s too painful and i wake up.  i have been in flare mode for over a week now.

i go and see my gp on tuesday.  that won’t accomplish much.  he has no idea what is going on.  i have been waiting to see my neurologist, who is one of my favorite drs on the planet, but it turns out that my gp’s office had made the neurologist appointment for me for the 4th of sept but they never called to tell me-thanks!  now i have another appointment for november.

hopefully, the flare will be over by then.



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