the number of women who statistically get raped is one in four. i know these numbers are not accurate. everytime a woman gets raped or sexually assaulted anywhere in the world it sends a shiver down the spine of humanity. you can’t escape it…your mother has been the victim of sexual assault, that server who brought you your sandwich at lunch, she has to take self defense classes, the little girl you saw in the back of the van today while driving down the road, she will be raped! you think i am blowing this outta proportion? well, i suggest you take a good hard look around you. talk to women. watch in bars when the woman gets a bit too much in her and the vultures began to circle waiting for her to drop. women have to take measures of safety. we are responsible if we get raped. what were we wearing? did we leave our drinks on the table alone? do we have a buddy to walk us home? is the pepper spray ready, shit is it out? do i have a roll of quarters-not to buy a drink with but to hold in my fist as i walk down the street! we must be militant, screening any possible friends, business acquaintances, lovers, teachers, co-workers with expert scrutiny, hoping that if they are a sex offender at least maybe they are registered as one. we must make ourselves appear more masculine bc if we are too feminine we are weak and prey. we know the real deal. we are told when we report the rape, exactly what we did wrong to seduce ppl into attacking us. “you should not be in that part of town alone!””don’t you know you look like a whore?””why were you at a bar by yourself?””were you flirting with him?”
we haven’t even touched on the most seditious form of rape-incest! yes, it happens everywhere! i know over 58 women i have met in the last 2 years that i know were raped by a family member. those are just the brave ppl who can talk about it, who admit it happened. many of us suffer in silence bc we did something to deserve it.
i was younger than 2 when it started for me. how could i seduce anyone? i have been the victim of rape due to being too drunk and passing out, being passed around like a joint from person to person. i only have vague glimpsing memories of that night, but i was left with hep b from the experience, and due to my lack of healthcare i almost died from it. i have been the victim of abduction, rape and assault bc my friend left me at the bar and i couldn’t afford a cab. i was molested by a friend of the family when i was 10 but he gave me $10 bc my breast were pretty, apparently paying me was supposed to make us equal. i wouldn’t talk about it for most of my life. i didn’t want anyone to know the whore i must have been to make men do this to me.
now i am an adult. now i have boy children. now i teach my boy children to advocate for the rights of women. i teach them about consent. i teach them about how to interact with female bodied ppls and how not to act. my oldest son has beaten the hell out of his peers for taking advantage of girls. there is one guy in particular that is on my kid’s anytime i see you i kick your ass list bc he trolls specifically for young young girls and gives them drugs then has sex w them.
a drunk girl cannot give consent. a drugged girl cannot give consent. children cannot give consent. a mental challenged person cannot give consent. consent is not “maybe later””i am not sure””i don’t feel like it””i don’t think we should right now””i am not ready”….consent is yes. just yes. anything other than yes is hands off now! don’t hound until they give in! also, consent can be revoked at any point, it doesn’t matter if you are about to get off, when stop is announced stop! or guess what you are a rapist! a girl can make out with you all night, show you her boobs, touch your dingdong and still not consent to have sex with you! yup!!! that is true. a prostitute can refuse to have sex with you and you don’t get to force her and pay her and not call yourself a rapist-if you do that you are a rapist plain and simple! women are not meat, and men are not starving tigers with no control. we are thinking ppls, we have forethought and planning, and we are capable of suppressing our desires or taking care of them with our hands that have opposable thumbs!
now i must also add that men can be raped, also! and the real data on that is out of this world in comparison to the stats that are published. men are shamed just like women. “men can’t get raped.” men can get raped by men and by women. an erection has nothing to do with desire and everything to do with blood flow to a certain area. men and women can have orgasms during rape, and it doesn’t justify it. rape is not exclusive to women!
it is time to start having open and honest discourse about this subject. i am glad daisy stepped out of the shadows. i wish some justice on her rapists and on the community and police that ignored and tortured her and her family. consent training needs to begin to happen in public spaces, locker rooms, parks, and homes.