Drunk Sex / RAPED

from the blog of : http://shardsofsilence.wordpress.com/

a blog that i follow and a blogger that i admire!  i think everyone should check it out!!!

Drunk Sex / RAPED.



  1. vicbriggs · November 7, 2013

    Thank you for the reblog and for sharing your story. It moved me to tears. I am in the process of writing a reply to your comment. Thank you and stay strong xxx
    Warmest regards,

    • cakeleevannila · November 8, 2013

      i have very little memory of what actually happened, which i am so glad for. no i actually did nothing wrong, but that is the attitude ppl, the politicians, the police, the district attorney, friends, family all seem to take. it is a major part of rape culture not just the rape but the reaction to the rape.
      for a year i was the leader of an lgbtqa youth group. it was the most amazing experience ever, truly! i had kids from 9-19 in the group, and everyone was awesome. we did alot of true sex ed which should always, and in our group did always, center around consent training. not only that but we would participate in community activities against violence and sexual violence. it wasn’t mandatory for the kids to participate but they would all show up bc it was important to them. out of the 30+ kids, only 6 had not come face to face w sexual violence. many of them at the hands of family. some were violated by friends of the family. i had to be the person to hold their hand and tell their parents, walk them through the process of calling the police and the dhs, i set up counseling appointments when i could and scoured the town for therapists that would work w queer/trans kids. my experience gave me strength to help these kids out. it kept me focused on the knowledge that these things happen in the world.
      my children have been taught consent training from birth. it has never not been a major part of things we talk about. who can give consent and who can’t (drunk girls, young girls, mentally challenged ppl) give proper consent. they tell their friends, and will intervene when they see someone crossing the line. it is a unfortunately a necessary step they have to take.
      i see these stories about these boys, teen boys, who rape a girl, gang rape a girl, who is passed out and they video the whole deal then publicize it. i think how can they all do this? but we don’t talk about rape in the context of nonviolent unconsentual sex, we talk about jumping out of bushes and knives and threats. many times the boys say “i didn’t know it was rape. she never said stop” and i see their posting videos of it being almost proof they did not realize…that does nothing for the victim at all. but it is a major indicator that we need to turn our attention to this! we need to talk to our boys, all the time about consent.

      • vicbriggs · November 8, 2013

        Absolutely agree with you. I recently found an article about exactly this, saying that mothers and fathers always tell their daughters how not to dress, where not to go, whom not to mingle with, but the same parents do not have the same kind of conversations with their sons, telling them not to act in certain ways towards women. I posted it on Facebook and got called a man-hater by a male friend. All because I thought that discussing consent was a good idea. We were supposed to go for a drink and a catch up once I got back to London, but I doubt that will happen.
        It is strange how even intelligent sensitive people sometimes simply close their mind to an issue because they choose to view it as an attack on their masculinity rather than an actual problem worthy of being considered, thought about and discussed.

      • cakeleevannila · November 8, 2013

        i get called a man hater or a feminazi alot bc i am a lesbian which apparently translates to many ppl as hating men-so weird bc i have 3 male children and an exhusband all of whom i love so very much. another reason is bc i will not sit down and shut up, i behave aggressively and therefore i am unfeminine in the eyes of westerners. i also hold the men in my life as responsible as i do the women, who don’t get off lightly w me bc i know better than to believe you just didn’t have options, that you were just a poor helpless lady who didn’t know. it’s strange, but i think ppl just don’t want to take responsibility to change their own behavior. it is critical that we stop doing what we are doing! it is destroying everything around us!

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