mine is bigger than yours


fresh off the presses

it’s nice to meet you

i see you are gay

don’t worry, i am accepting

i once knew a woman

who had a cousin that was one

you know he was

ummmm…like you

then i read a book

about timmy and his two mommies

and before i threw it in the fire

i thought how timmy must feel

and i was a bit concerned

but only because if he had

two mommies who taught

the poor child to pee standing up?

i am an expert on all things gay!

once there was a black man

who worked in the warehouse

he was good for a black guy.

we weren’t friends, but we talked occasionally.

i heard some of that martin luther king jr speech.

i am an expert in being a person of color.

there was one day, i talked to a muslim woman

she told me her beauty is a gift

i told her to take the damn scarf off her face

and get with the program of the new world

this isn’t the 19th century anymore.

a tear fell from her eye and became a stain

on the mask she chooses to wear

no man or god can tell me what to do!

i did see that documentary over

the prophet muhammad on the history channel

i now an expert on all things islamic.

one day i was getting into my prius

my sweet sweet hippie-mobile

with the proper amount of bumper stickers

showing my progressive politics

letting everyone know how

radical i am in my efforts to

change the world making it a better place.

i read this article on the ozone layer

i am an expert on all things ecological

a black man who was obviously on crack

came and asked for some change.

he said he was hungry and all

though he was skin and bones

his face ghostly, gaunt, quite ashen

there was no way i was going

to help this man buy more drugs

i saw an intervention once or twice

i am an expert on all drug use.

one day i was walking through the park

and this thing passed me on the hiking trail

it was a shim-you know a man dressed like a woman

obviously not a real woman, the walk releasing

all the secrets attached to his genitals

i changed courses and caught up to him.

i told him i just had a few questions

“so do you have a you know…penis?

where do you put it?  is it really little

and that is why you dress like a girl?”

he broke into a run for some reason

it seemed almost as though he

didn’t want to tell me

what’s going on in his pants

but i am entitled that information

i have gone to a drag show

they are really funny

i am an expert on all things transvestite.

another day i was driving to the grocery store

and the cars were going less than 20 miles an hour

it was so slow, and really i had somewhere i needed to be

i had no time for this nonsense

i switched lanes and saw a man in a wheelchair

puttering down the road holding up traffic.

there aren’t sidewalks, but i doubt

he really needed to be somewhere

bad enough to hold up traffic

one day i read a book about a woman

who lost her legs in an accident.

i am an expert on all things disabled.

i don’t see the trouble

i don’t understand what these people

have to be upset about.

i have known oppression

i was born with a vagina and not a penis

not even a nubbin of a penis

is quite horrible, but i smile through

the difficulty

it’s only natural for men

to oogle me

it makes me feel




i  have been able to swim

the river of oppression

and i have had it much worst

than those others who chose

to not blend in

insisting on

their personal identity being counted

i am an expert on all things oppressive!

so if all those people would just shut up

at least try to look normal

stop being so weird

life would be much more simple

there are gay conversion clinics

organizations teaching muslim women not to submit

the trannies decide to go into public like that

there are drug rehab facilities

the cripples are looking for sympathy

the poor need to stop being so lazy

my difficulty is unavoidable

my oppression is the real deal

i am sick of people wallowing

in the “poor me” mud

that it is their choice

to be knee deep in anyway

but no one can understand

the pressures facing the

white middle class educated employed married

heteronormative cisgender woman

my barrel is overflowing with turmoil

there is no one coming to my aid

my oppression beats those others

in size, weight and density.

what they need is to stop being such

whiny asses especially when

they brought it all on themselves

-to win the three-legged race for being the most oppressed.  grand prize the beautiful cardboard crown, a blue ribbon, and a sash.

i think next year i should get the grand prize trophy



  1. Rob Duncan · January 18, 2014

    that was sheer electric KO punching right there.

    • cakeleevannila · January 18, 2014

      thanks, rob!!!! i am really thoroughly loving writing again. my brain is moving better, in more creative direction and you know anything that help my brain is a good deal!

what's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s