activate opiate receptors and fire

there are days you are my first thought

i wake in horror and disgust at my desire

rooted so deep in every cell of my body

the unquenching need for your elixir

i have every reason to return to you

and a few i keep tucked

in the folds of grey and white matter

locked safely and securely away

never uttered aloud to anyone

my secret, my hope, my lust

my memories of the years

we spent dancing together

our conversations and fights

all the days you wrapped me

in a blanket of softness

that enveloped me warmly

i can feel you stroke my hair

when i wake up on days like this

the nostalgia of us is tangible

but it is a lie, a horror story

wrapped up in a fairy tale

princesses and frogs kissing

and the handsome prince a sham, a clown

an ignorant fuck with no spine

she is left with a fool and warts

the only reminders of her efforts

they leave that part out

it’s not the pretty cool awesome part

it’s not the hip picture of existential

surreal knowledge and experiences

painted by sages dying on floors

it is blood and shit face down in piss

when i wake up you pounding away

hammering holes through my head

i forget for a moment the times

you helped aid in the burns on my bed

the smoldering mattress sending smoke

signals of help to anyone

sos · · · – – – · · ·

scars of 3rd degree burns whelp in the sun

i forget the times of strangulation

as you wrapped yourself inside

and began to push down

leaving me gasping and wide eyed

days and months with no voice

my thoughts lost in the haze

some days i for a moment

just a moment

want you to whisk me away in your carriage

that one way passage to hell

leaving my body behind

robotic movements nothing inside

then cell memory kicks in

the real deal of how it went down

the pain unimaginable as my

bones crushed under your weight

stomach lurching turning expelling

the anxious shaking ants legs

sweat pouring out in buckets

my heart pounding 20 beats per second

tom grasset on the drums

feeling sound hearing light

the smells wrenching through me

i tell myself it wasn’t so bad

you whisper that we don’t

need to become so involved

just hang out for a moment

a few hours is all that’s needed

i fell for it hook line and sinker every time before

only just a bit

fuck it a bit more

but see it’s different

i know your scam

i know your name

i see your face behind smoke

the taste of you is poison

the bitter sour pill

smashing between my teeth

i once thought it was ambrosia

the drink of all the gods

i know now what poison tastes like

i will not slip down into the pit

you made me dig

i am not a dog, sweetheart

your lies of poppy mists and happy bliss

now echos hollow in my mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 comments

  1. Prinze Charming · January 19, 2014

    You took my breath away. I am speechless. My mind is full of captivating ideas from this beautifully written post of raw emotion. The emotion only eyes can convey. Actions fail to cover the entire story. Your strength in the end will provide you comfort, your love wounds will express tattoos of someone stronger than before. Please continue writing!

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