the advocate pathway of loving the bipolar

i have taken this path so many times

i can close my eyes, running the obstacle course

the manholes, the cracks in the sidewalk, curves

the zippy zappy trail to the middle of nowhere

running just to find my sense of direction stolen

i loathe this path and all that comes with it

the broken brambles beneath my feet

where i had charted through for decades

each time telling myself that is the last time

yet time and time and time again

it’s off to the races, who can get there quickest

a competition with no other adversary, just myself

i do believe i am the worst villain of them all

internal promises broken, treaties and compromises

swept to the side, shoved in a closet, pushed under the bed

a trail of sickness twirling around ending at the beginning

surrounded and bound by blood chains and history

to walk the trail with no escape propelled by guilt

rest stops and potty breaks leering suspiciously suspicious

i have five minutes than it’s finnegan begin again down the path

one day i will break the cycle, no longer twisted and pulled tight

the ups and downs, the hills created by the emotions of others

her mania and depression will level out, and the path will let me go

until that day comes i am destined and determined to conquer

the only one left still standing, the only one left to beat

me

 

 

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3 comments

  1. bejamin4 · February 19, 2014

    Yes! All of this is really nice, and those last two lines really drive home the point.

    • cakeleevannila · February 19, 2014

      thank you very much! i have been my sister’s medical liaison for years and it is tough-suicide attempts, drug addictions, med interactions, inpatient treatment, extreme mania followed by extreme depression. but she needs my help.

      • bejamin4 · February 19, 2014

        You’re welcome. Well, she’s lucky to have you. Your tough, too. Keep writing. Hope you’re having a lovely day.

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