sometimes words fall short-a very wonderful surprise

i don’t  even know where or how to start this, so if i ramble or make confusing statements, just keep reading bc the answer might be hidden and if not, you can always ask me.  so here it goes folks, it’s story time!

yesterday i had to go to the gp, which is never a good warm fuzzy experience.  and as usual the dr’s hands flew up into the air indicating “hell, i don’t know!”  at least yesterday was the physician’s assistant and not the actual dr.  the pa at least listens to me.  we left with nothing.  no answers, no help for symptoms, not even a little pamphlet produced  by some money hungry drug company whoring their product to the public.  it was disheartening to say the least.  i was told to take medications that don’t work for me, wait to see the mobility neurologist, “that looks like it’s painful.” and “there is nothing else we can do.”  so great!  thanks, fella that is helpful!

i came home and there was a package addressed to amy and i..  amy beat me to the bedroom and when i walked in there the package had been opened-this is not weird for us bc we get so very excited to get mail!  amy was sitting on the bed and looked very emotional-amy doesn’t really get emotional, it’s gotta be big!  she looked up at me and said “i think you need to look at this.”  it sent a shiver down my spine.  all i could think of was the day i got the letter from my dad telling me he committed suicide and his final words to our family.  i thought one of our friends had been in a bad situation and this was a something special of their’s.  i brace myself and walk to the bed.

amy tells me to take the top item out.  it is a scarf w pirate skulls on it in the colors of omicron delta pi-a human rights, co-ed fraternity.  this was not unusual either, we get many things like this.  except the fraternity is full of some of my best friends, so the whole “last item” deal was really stirring around in my gut.  i pulled out the second item, as instructed by amy.  it was another scarf, same colors.  i was seriously scared at this point, then she hand me a scroll.  i almost puked.

the human brain is extremely complex, and we have many thoughts and ideas and emotions and reactions in the matter of milliseconds.  it seemed i simultaneously saw all of my friends and loved one’s from this organization.  there are certain ppl that if anything were to happen with them i would crack down the middle, spilling my guts out onto the floor.  these ppl had never turned me away when i needed help.  they had just accepted me inviting me into their homes and lives.  these are ppl that i honestly love with all of my heart and soul.  even if were someone that i was not personally close to or had even met, this is amy’s family, her brothers and sisters, her comrades.  it would be devastating to her, meaning it would be devastating to me and our other friends.  i was shaking so badly that amy had to take the ribbon off.  i was going to tear something up.  she unrolled the scroll and handed it to me.

it was not a suicide letter or the items of ppl we love bc something tragic had happened.  it was a letter informing me that the fraternity had voted me in as an honorary member.  reading it the first time i didn’t really know what it was saying.  i read it again, making sure i was looking at the letters forming the words forming the thoughts being conveyed from them to me.  i had read it correctly.  i also got my colors!

the letter said “in recognition of your tireless work within human rights and advocacy…”  i stopped processing for a bit, just staring at the paper in my hand, trying very hard to understand.  this is a huge deal!  there are not many people that are even considered to be honorary members.  i thought that amy must have bought some ppl off…used some jedi mind tricks.

“did you know about this?  did you do this?”

“i am not the one who nominated you.”

the tears i had been holding back suddenly broke the dam swimming down my face.  the people in this group do so much!  and there are many people that i respect and love so deeply that not talking to them in a bit makes me feel sorta empty.  and here they were telling me that i had done so many good things, the organization wanted to have me in their family.  i was baffled and confused and a whole bunch of other things all at once, but the emotion that hit me the strongest was honored and loved.  this was truly the most kind and humbling event in my life!

when you do what i do,it is never for praise or self fulfillment of ego.  you do it bc it is the right thing to do, because if i don’t do it i am consenting to action and ideas that i cannot stand behind.  i feel as though it is my obligation to the world to fight to make this a better, safer, more acceptable place to be.  for the most part i try to stay out of the limelight, of course there have been times that i have had to take a public stance and put my name and face to certain things-when we started the pride here i was the president therefore the spotlight was on me, and that was cool and i wasn’t all agoraphobic or whatever, i just don’t feel like i do anything that isn’t necessary.  so when a group of ppl have gotten together and decided that i have done enough to justify allowing me into their family, words don’t portray the feelings and thoughts.  words falls short.

i am honored to be a member of this family, to walk along side of some of my heroes.  i am so overcome with joy and pride.

so i am saying something that my entire life i never thought i would say:

i am a member of the fraternity Omicron Delta Pi- Ο Δ π !  i hope i can make my brothers and sisters proud because i am very proud to be a part of this!

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8 comments

  1. Benjamin Louis Cooper · February 25, 2014

    We could not have made an easier decision TG!! You are, and will always be, a highly respected member of the crew. The fact that your work comes from that place inside that says “no, something here is not right and I can’t just sit by and allow it to continue without a fight” has always made you one of us. It was time to add your mark to others who have done the same. Welcome Aboard Sister.

  2. Beccie (Frenchy) · February 25, 2014

    I’ve never met you, but I’ve heard so much about the work you and Amy have done. it was an easy decision to have you in our family, and I’m so glad you are now a part of it. reading this made me cry, because the love you have in your heart is amazing, and I couldn’t be more lucky or proud to have you as a sister of mine. I hope I get to meet you, and when I do it will be one of the best moments of my life. congratulations, TG. ❤

    • cakeleevannila · February 26, 2014

      dang!! we will be in machias in august for the blackfly ball and the blueberry festival! i have respected what ODP does so much and the people working with the group, as benjamin and jace can tell you, have always made me proud to know them. i have seen true embracing of others simply for them being-which is a rare and beautiful quality both personally and as a group. the rainbow ball, portland pride, the safe space training and so much more that springs from OUR (wow) family has propelled me and amy to do our best here and carry that to other places.
      it’s strange, ppl who don’t know us have a very hard time understanding why we would do what we do, why would we put ourselves in danger-which sad to say is a fact of our lives here-why would we endure the abuse of the society at large…but that question is exactly why we do it! there has to be someone who will step up and say “man, this just isn’t ok”. ODP taught me how to do that wo the use of explosives.

  3. Princess Susi · February 25, 2014

    honestly TG, i forgot you weren’t a sister before this! ❤

    • cakeleevannila · February 26, 2014

      lol! i have always felt like one from the first time i went to daddy’s house for a graduation party i felt a part of. there has never been a time when i have asked for help that the family wasn’t there for us! never! that is such a fantastic thing!
      i have two really good examples of that: at the graduation party, i went out front to smoke a cigarette, and benjamin followed me out there. he asked me what i thought, and all i could say was “i have never seen anything like it! thank you so much for sparking this!” and that holds true. i think if anyone of us were to stumble hitting the ground would be impossible bc there will be someone there to catch you! one day when we lived in machias i became very ill. i needed to go to rite aide and get my antibotics. amy had to work, and i seriously considered just walking. then i asked jace bc i don’t think i would have made it. he was busy doing something, but dropped all of it to come and help me without even a second thought. that is a perfect example of how this family operates!

  4. Lis · February 26, 2014

    Welcome aboard. It’s good to have you for a real sister, now.

    • cakeleevannila · February 26, 2014

      you too, lis! man, i am not sure if everyone knows, but it seems they should, that you drew the blueprints for the youth program we had here. from the minute that i found out about your work, you have seriously been like ghandi to me! you are an innovator and i am positive that no matter what you are going to always continue that path, whether it is in the confines of a group or just independently. out as i wanna be is awesome, and i believe that you have earned a much needed respite from full on activism! you are one of my heroes, along with so many other members of the family! i am proud to be your sister!

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