not what i thought

it is emotional water-boarding at it’s finest

a manipulation and concentration of energy

waiting silently in shadows

until weakness emerges

then strike

that is the perfect time to attack and destroy

smiles of satisfaction

at tears raining down

why does the pain of others make you happy

throwing fits of fury and rage

aimed at my head

muscles still and stiff

until the pounce and lunge

using other’s as excuses

as reason

as justification

pissed  just to be pissed

angry

vengeful

venomous

not happy

until i am left huddled

unable to think

lost in a madness and pain beyond comprehension

insults hurled like the knives

popping red balloons

under the big top

the wheel of uncertainty spins out of control

a bag full of hate

coins holding images of a skewed past

your reason and insight into past situations

seen through kaleidoscopes

huge chunks of history rewritten

starring you as the victim

as i curl my mustache and rub my fat hands together in ecstasy

waiting for the train to take you out

never to be heard from again

this is the picture you paint

the exaggeration you forge me into

a heartless shrew of unimaginable cruelty and need for domination

i play the axis in the game of war

the one who is out for blood to drink

you the innocent defender of truth

a true blue citizen of whoooville

my knees are shaking

my hands cannot grasp and pull my weight

all attempts at a peaceful

denied and faltered

the treaties broken too many times

with trust no longer available

the table is clear

nothing is left to sit upon it in regal splendor

all that was has slithered away

waiting in hidey holes for the outcome

when a champion has been crowned and all the bad forgotten

when the need outweighs the hate

and it’s payday or tuesday

when there is a desire and greed for the physical and tangible

when the eyes catch sight of pretty shiny

the brain fills with lust

that is when the arrows of hate and loathing

stop momentarily

just long enough to accomplish

a minute of peace

a year of disgust

the compassion once shipped in from overseas

the kind mildness

replaced by a bitter bag of distrust and hatred

lies of the ego

the hate you feel

bound and hung me from the rafters

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