comparing apples and oranges

tiny explosions between lines of genetic information

the baffling reward of love

nothing but a kick in the face

mocking horrors of the past that haunt my dreams

ghosts

screaming

kicking

biting

stomping

cackling laughter

wild

joy and freedom found in secret movies

showing my death

how much hatred and misery

can one person carry inside

cursing and sacrificing your daughter

turning her into you

it’s your only tool to feel less lonely

she just can’t be anymore

jealousy boils like water on the stove

bubbling over with revenge

envy and wrath slammed into my line of vision with no escape

child-like without innocence

clinging to others

unable to live

i can expect anything less from you

the rerun of daytime dramas

forced to throw my youth in the fire

to burn away for your food

eighteen months of calming

synchronized inhale and exhale

carrying your limp body into hospitals after your overdoses

watching you eat used fentanyl patches

shoving fists of pills stolen

no limits

the old man with the hole in his chest, ribs broken

the lover sliced through the abdomen, through the spine

the sister unable to move, the quality of life dead and gone

there is nothing sacred except your appetite and delirium

hundreds of sleepless nights in hospitals and crisis centers

holidays spent in cafeterias surrounded by thorzine droolers

the doctors

the counselors

the therapists

the smell of sickness

oozes constantly in the back of the throat

the river of you pounds against me

i held on until now

my arms are tired

my soul is bruised

this time cut too deep

i have baskets full of broken promises

i have barrels full of lies

demanding the return of christmas presents and pictures

dangling your children like a carrot dangling on a stick

it’s loathsome and desperate

a crime against humanity

for decades we danced to this same song

spinning intensity, ecstatically, neurotically

the last dance done

the band has gone

the music is dead

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