the magical mystery of the batshit crazy

i am firmly

singular owner of my body

there is only one entity

that may decide

what i will and won’t do

not a system

not a government

not a body of radical weirdos

the only thing in this world

that will and can keep

me

from life is

me

i was born into a certain social caste

indoctrinated into beliefs

sometimes i doubt

do i believe my beliefs

do i believe my consciousness

are my emotions reactions

mine or familial baggage

bestowed on me

was i taught

directly or indirectly

it doesn’t matter

that all people are equal

this was not a running philosophy my family

slurs and exceptions

my

reactions and self discipline

not to fall into that pit is still chained to them

ways and comprehensions

confuse and leave me

in constant semi-terrified states

a bitterness sits in the back of the throat

the cold, trail-less landscape of self discovery

a mixture of toxic and tincture

facing the demons

fighting the mist and ghosts

old enemies come back

prepared for a battle

over the sanity of my life

doubt

abandonment

allowing them to act as my mirror

mountains to hurdle

my mind is as free

as a mind can be

i do not bow

break for anyone

i am simply personified

a holistic woman undefined

there have been video game-like barriers obscuring my travels

my direction

but the trail

hope

light

peace

whispers in the wind

the song of birds

i hold my head high

for no reason besides humanity

i am a part of the web of life

i will not get out alive

what happens after that

questionable and debatable

while i am here

i can leave a footprint

i will be better on the way out

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