23 biological x threads

i can become befuddled

addled

turned upside down and sideways

it is almost

but not quite

just dancing the boundary

of my own insanity

for decades

for ten year increments of time

i have listened to it all

your

judgments with no basis

hatred of everything

unhappy rantings at others’ happiness

there is always something

something incorrect

something immoral

something different

they are:

too black

too mezzzkin

too indian (“uppity mezzzkins”)

too poor (while your children were hungry and the toilet falling through the floor)

too gay

too dyke-ish

too loud

too quiet

too fucked up

too stingy with get fucked up inducers

too young

too old

too stupid

too smart

too woman

too man

too

too

too

too

ranting and stomping

ruining relationships

locking out everything

locking out  everyone

sitting cross-legged

screaming to no one

because it was unfair

raising daughters

to hate women

and to hate men

spinning lies and webs

stirring the cauldron

the art of blending

and seeming to live

i wish i never saw you

i wish i would have stopped

or never started looking

i wish i could separate

and not give a fuck

i wish i could smile

during our talks and be merry

i wish i could hate you

really hate you for your offenses

i wish that i was cold and steel

and i could be joyful

while you self destruct

i wish i didn’t know your sickness

i wish i didn’t know your weakness

you are horrible and cruel

but you are just a scared child

unable to do or think or be

it’s poorly designed armor

there is an unpurgeable creature

living breathing eating

you are my parasite

and despite it all

or because of it all

i walk in my flesh

the person i am

i will hold your hand

and hug you

and love hate you always

because we live in each other

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