wanna arm-wrestle?

i do not remember a lesson in decorum

there were no drawing of lady-like

no 8-track plastic device or round record

instructing the ways of properly behaving

i think the only lesson taught to me by my mother

was to never fart in public and taking a shit is a private matter

that is what it means to be a lady

i grew up different

i grew up with women, who at times

pulled “lady-like” out of their coin purses

but they weren’t ladies-they were undercover

thinkers and strategists and comparatively insane

without apology

there was no sarah waiting orders

we had no kin made pillars of salt

because we don’t look back

we let it burn, we dance, we sing

there were men, obviously

but there were no lion tamers

there were no keepers

as a little girl i spoke my mind

without pause or remorse

i was bound by duty and honor

it wasn’t until later, much later, too late

when i saw weakness and timid behavior

it shocked me, it shook me to the core

“i hate the way i must laugh at his jokes….”

my dad’s sister’s daughter told me

i had to sit down and think

“then why the fuck do you?”

“because that is how you behave…”

this confused me even more

“why?”

“because every boy must know he is wonderful”

“but what is wonderful about him?  not his humor”

“everything is wonderful about him”

“i think he is accidentally stupid, but you do it on purpose….

you are weak and gut-less and nothing”

this was my first lesson in lady-hood

i was quite intrigued

i loved being quite scientific

even when i didn’t know what that meant

life and all of it’s oddities had to be proven

when i was told cats always land on their feet

i did a science experiment by throwing many cats down hallways

i approached my lady learnin in the same fashion

i watched and practiced

it was dirty and slimy and a waste of everything

i wish i could have thrown the ladies down the hallway

i was not born a lady

i was born a woman

the warrior women of my family

pump through the blood feeding each cell

they live in and through me

i fart in public as much as possible

and let the little smile creep across my face

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