i seem to find you in the oddest places

i thought you would be gone

“a single drop of rain” as the sage sang

i stood in the rain for years searching

and there was no drop of you

i looked in other places

peacock feathers-that is a bit more your style

i tried to find you south of albuquerque

and in the little wichita river where your daddy died

i looked for you in the cemetery

i screamed your name at all four corners of the farm

i thought i was alone with my memories

and somedays that was enough

and somedays it broke me like brittle bone against rock

there was a part of me that waited

thinking you and your fucked up funny sense of humor

would make grand entrances at mundane times

maybe that will always be there

shit who knows-dealing with it all is hell

but i know you when the honeysuckle blossoms

i can almost see you next to me listening to our music

shelling peanuts and drinking diet coke

in pool sticks and horseshoe pits and beef tongues

sometimes i just want to lay my head on your shoulder

and sometimes i want to slap your face

but i miss you every moment

i see you in all of your grandchildren

i see you in me

and i am proud to be your little girl

it would be your birthday tomorrow

i think i will make a cake! 

it’s time to start celebrating again, daddy….


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