it’s time to drop out

i have a moral defect

my radar is broken in all the wrong places

like a watch that loses 22.5 seconds randomly

i pass out trust and friendship and compassion

like the arrogant unremarkable drug guy

who got the ladies through lsd and blow

in the end he was alone despite his best attempts

everytime i try, i let them in, my heart snaps

they all want something:

she wants to feel superior, so give me a call and let me know how stupid i am

he wants to have someone around when the world seems to crumble

she wants a momma to fix life and tell her everyday “go get ’em champ’

then him then him then her then them then they then then then then

but in the hospital there are just two of us

there aren’t phone calls asking how shit’s going

there is no phone calls or emails

there isn’t even a kindly fuck yourself postcard

it’s been like this as long as i have been me

i have been the gal to get it done in the name of relationship

but once accomplished there is no room for my crazy

i am not taking applications anymore

i don’t want to gab on the phone

i don’t want your bullshit

i don’t want lectures of my sub-par intellect

i don’t want to care for your kids so much you drag me through the dirt

mine is not a circus freak show for the pleasure of the bored and over-literate





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