hey, mom, i made it

sometimes words aren’t strong enough

there isn’t enough emphasis to describe

the whole of you

i have scoured dictionaries

i have devoured sacred texts

but no word can sum it up

bigot

zealot

fanatic

lout

emotional brute

none tell the story of who you decided to be

the hatred that consumes all you think

the curses you place

on the heads

of those you love

the evil inactions

you take toward those you don’t

sacrificing your own children

for your comfort & greed

you have no right to the names

of your mother, your grandmother

you do not have the honor

of being a mother, a grandmother

your acrimony has placed you outside

maybe everything now is just

disGrace

Advertisements

graeae in small town oklahoma

we aren’t quite sure why

the what and the how are clear

but the essence of propulsion

the driving force

is locked in boxes in boxes in boxed in code

we have spent long nights in electric parlors

designing philosophies of pinpoint accuracy

anthropological physics drawing x&y equations

burning calories in conversational warfare

intellectual mechanics

churning

hopping

bopping

expelling ticker tape in ancient swirling symbols

the attempts of the few free minds

the psyches unchained, unhindered

the original mint condition cadillac of mentality

resorting to guessing games and scavenger hunts

all in the attempt to unearth the source of your madness

you are a plague, a pestilence, the fall of emotional economics

a brush fire among the dry mesquite of walking talking clowns

is there a new disease unleashed

and you without an umbrella or vaccine

or is it a poison, radiation seeping

into the water flowing into your veins

a green, nuclear sludge from bullets and bombs

the idea of demonic possession almost valid

to those pragmatist toting atheist philosophies

your magnitude can make the devil appear

your evil wicked cruelty makes demons cringe

is it the ghost of ancient cultures and dinosaurs extinct

haunting the halls in your mind, howling and scratching

did they forget your shiny new toy in your happy meal

you and yours, kindred souls nestled in hate

created by the capture and drowning of angels

the most dangerous of all monsters

has a dazzling smile, loving eyes, grey hair

whispering hippie rhetoric

bringing in those poor saps who signed up for self sacrifice

your love of baked goods, cookies and grandchildren

your love of seeing the full explosion of pain and eruption of tears

the salty drops you collect in bottles living in the spice rack

bedazzling and beading injustice, degradation, cruelty and threats

your gaggle of witches and your coven of bitches

spreading nightmares and progressive famine

the clown with the red lips and the dumpy hips in the lead

the unassuming whispering nymph of poetry and pen

sporting the used pastel floral print dresses and bongs

because smoking weed and hemingway are the true blue

the new call of your battle

acapella escaping tiny mouths

belting out voices

saying the lines you placed in tiny brains

your club of unreasonable hatred and destruction

gluten free brunch for faux feminists

the flaunting of a new brand of cruel

call it surreal and fools fork over payola

there are those who see your clothed hatred

the time for unveiling has arrived with the mail

and you the hateful, the liars, the pretenders

you have been exposed and highlighted

the triple divinity with las vegas personas

the plastic skin bubbling and dripping off

exposing the suffering and loathing gooey middle

but your darkness cannot block the light

the moon still hangs bright in the night

friendship, comradery, an end to loneliness

are dazzling jewels of hope out of your reach

so do your dance

shake and jive

swing those hips

speak your hypnotic bullshit and flash the dentures bright

you the lying clan of agitators, the red wine stain of spite

 

 

just another day in paradise

BITCH

FAT

NASTY

STUPID 

WHORE

ARROGANT

CRUEL

CUNT

FAUX-MARTYR

DUMB

INSANE

MEAN

SLUT

UGLY

GROSS

IDIOT

TWAT

CRAZY

UPTIGHT

DELUSIONAL

LIAR

FAKE TRASH

GUTTER-BORN

GUTTER-BOUND

FEMA-NAZI

HYPOCRITICAL

MAN HATER

DYKE

FAGGOT

ROTTEN

SCUM

WORTHLESS

FULL OF SHIT

MONSTER

HALF-WIT

PUSSY EATIN’

LOW LIFE

HORRIBLE

DOPE FEIND

JUST LIKE YOUR MOM

JUST LIKE YOUR SISTER

RAGING

VIOLENT

FOOL

HOLLOW

UNDESERVING

SELF-CENTERED

SELF-ABSORBED

SELF-SERVING

SELFISH

SNOB

EGOCENTRIC

ASSHOLE

FRIENDLESS

ANTISOCIAL

MISERABLE

MANIPULATIVE

DEVIL

UNEDUCATED

ILLITERATE

DUMB-ASS

REJECT

HATED

LOATHED

WIDE ASS

BIG BOOBS

RANCID

CREATURE

INHUMAN

TRAITOR

INTERLOPER 

PSEUDO-INTELLECT

CALLOUSED

MORON

UNLOVABLE

OBESE

PITIFUL

FUCKED UP

GARBAGE

“WHY IS SHE CRYING?”

“BECAUSE SHE’S CRAZY!”

“BECAUSE SHE WANTS ATTENTION!”

“SHE’S A LIAR!”

“SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BITCH!”

“SHE’S NOT SICK! IT’S FAKE!”

“I HATE HER!”

“I WISH SHE WOULD DIE!”

“YOU’RE BUSTING OUT OF THAT BRA!”

“I NEVER USED THE WORD ‘FAT’!”

“THERE IS NO ONE WHO LIKES YOU!”

“THEY JUST PITY YOU!”

“YES, I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER!”

“YOU AREN’T ENOUGH!”

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”

“I AM LEAVING!”

“YOU MAKE ME MISERABLE!”

i am breaking

there are too many cracks in the foundation

walls crumbling

my defenses slowly decaying and breaking apart

just wet cardboard

i can’t breath under this weight, fish out of water

stupid to struggle

i just want to go to sleep-a dreamless, thoughtless void

 

my son elias’ poem written 02-27-14

squinting through half closed eyes

broken smiles and half-baked ideals

“this is our promised land!” they cry

worship of your hate and ignorance

your faith is rancid

kill your brother for the glory of god

child of adam slays in glee

“this is righteous!  this is pure!”

heretic!

blasphemer!

sodomite!

You hate the gays

because your god says to

your children will kill you in his name

“praise the king and god save the queen!”

where is your god for the sick

how many of his chosen feed the starving

“but your love and marriage is sin!”

your laws will mean nothing in the new world

how many have died in one of his names

my god is love

my god is truth

your god is obsolete ideology

your god sets us back hundreds of years

your god is dead!

 

 

 

i am not a racist but….

Image

when i hear the words “i am not a racist but……”  i must brace myself,plant my feet firmly on the ground, clench my fists and lock my jaw bc whatever comes after those words is going to be the most denigrating shit ppl can spew from their talk hole.  when ppl must give a preamble to their thoughts assuring you that what is coming up seems racist but in it’s intent is not racist means you are about to inflict racist ideology onto me and i do not give my consent to that.  this has been a problem with me for a long time.  i usually interject before the racial slime can ooze out of the mouth of the bigot i am talking to, warning them that i will not be quiet if what they say is demeaning to a large group of ppl based solely on generic judgments and bad education…so they run the risk of my verbal backlash.

so i brought this up, and my son’s girlfriend who is extremely culturally and ethnically diverse says “why don’t we say i am not racist but then follow it up with stuff that has absolutely nothing to do w race at all…i am not a racist but my ingrown toenail is painful!”  this is bc she is brilliant!  it is the thing around here to say.

o and it’s not just race, here are a few other things that i have heard predisgustingnonsensicalstereotypes:

i am not a homophobe but

i am not a bigot but

i don’t hate women but

i am not prejudice but

i don’t hate muslims but

i don’t hate jews but

i don’t hate christians but

all of these preemptive statements lead to hateful nastiness.

Image

sticks and stones

juggling knives

that is some dangerous business

with the capacity of death

even worse, constant mutilation

getting caught in the muscles

tearing through the safety

tearing through the serenity

piercing flesh

knives screaming

whore, cunt, stupid

wretched unworthy bitch

sitting on the floor

pulsing and writhing

trying to push guts

back into an abdomen

sewing it back up

using teeth to tighten

the dental floss

trying to close the wound

maybe it should be heat

let it melt

let it swim back together

i see it in the mirror

behind the blue eyes

of the stranger

that lives in the glass

her scars remarkable

protruding from the flesh

i lie to her

she can’t handle truth

i tell her she is beautiful

she knows better

the lady all length and width

horizon and vertical

with no depth

i whisper to her

“you are worthy”

she screams back

“don’t quit your day job asshole!”

veins popping purple faced

exposing those times

when the knives fell

when she did it on purpose

pulling steel against the flesh

pushing it to the tilt

inside her guts

because that is what she is

that is all she knows

and still i lie to her

telling her she is going

one day to be ok

she can still be beautiful

we both know the line

we both see the scam

but speaking the truth

to her is too cruel

so we juggle knives

of words and actions

scarring the tissue

tearing the fiber

and chaining the soul