i am so proud to be a part of this project!!! we are doing so much with this!!
the stench of your desperation
permeates the air
such a suffocating disposition
queen of the queers in little-pond, nowhere
setting fire to my intellectual property
howling, cackling laughter, shrills of delight
for every tear that broke from my eyes
finding the debasing of my reputation
delectably, delightfully, delicious
you are visible to me, the way you are
the honeyed voice and feigned compassion
cuddle huddle with those i love
and whisper in their ear tiny rips in reality
until the picture is a cheap fuck
big red lips snarled in a bitch smile
you have your whores at your feet
the creme de la creme of human garbage
the risk to the lives of others
will never be equal to a photo-op
turning people away
forcing what you deem right
onto the backs of the isolated
you are the worst sort of damned
the shadow-dweller, the gutter rat
when did you sell your humanity
or was that something that never existed
you and your concubines, your big-wig way
one day the imaginary zen will disappear
and the foul monster born to your parents
will leave you writhing and screaming
the thought brings me comfort and sweet dreams
being a part of the lgbtqa community, i am forever entrenched in details of gayness in our culture-whether that is those opposed to or in favor of-it is constantly an issue. how to be a proper gay, how to be a good ally, who is gay who is not, where they stand, how they came out, blah freakin blah blah blah. everywhere i look it’s gay! being as how the lgbtqa community has not been recognized as legit ppls for centuries, a spotlight on our presence is wonderful, but how far does that go? is someone required to divulge their sexuality? does this change with the amount of celebrity a person has?
i am openly gay. i have a partner who is a woman. we hold hands and smooch in public and say “i love you!” loud and proud. we attend school functions together and our kids introduce us as their mom’s. “this is my mom grace. and this is my other mom amy. and this is my dad ted. we all live together in a big nutshell, and although my mom and dad are not a smooching couple anymore they are besties and so i have 3 parents who love me and support me! don’t look at me that way-it’s weird but it’s cool!” the kids have their speeches all planned out. i am lucky, though. my family, my sons and exhusband, are not only accepting and open to my queerness they encourage me to be who i am despite other ppls’ views of morality, so i kinda have it easy bc even though gay bashing is not a crime in the state i live in, and there are so many crazy homophobes out there, i can retreat into my family and circle of friends to love and respect me. i can fill my unique cup with their love and not have to worry. also, it helps that most of the time i am completely unaware of social nuances and subtle bigotry, so unless it is pretty blatant i don’t even notice. ppl literally have to point or call me a derogatory remark for me to click the link of o that person’s an asshole…ok…they don’t like me bc i am gay. o well piss off! i have thick skin and a great family, so being an open lesbian is easier for me.
when working with lgbtqa youth, i took a different approach. i never told kids they have to be out to their families. the reason is simple-it can be dangerous, physically, emotionally, mentally dangerous for some ppl, and when you are a minor and your parents are in control of you legally, being out is not always a luxury for every kid. i always tried to know the parents of the kids in the youth group. if the kid was openly gay, bisexual or trans giving parents support and resources is important. understanding the environment a kid is in also helps in understanding where that kid is coming from therefore providing a better understanding of the sort of help that kid needed. for some kids, knowing their situation meant knowing their parents were hateful. there was one boy who could not be open with his dad, bc although his dad was fine and dandy w lesbians (sexualizing us of course) gay men on the other hand were an freaks and disgusting. this particular young man was in a very volatile situation that was lingering on the cusp of abuse at all times. i would never look at him and say “you should tell your dad!” that would be irresponsible of me as an advocate, and although i feel like when you hide a part of yourself from the world, it causes all sorts of inner conflict and leads to some really damaging shit mentally, sometimes there are great big reasons that a closet exist.
so, i am conflicted. on the one hand i feel that being open and honest in all aspects of your life is healthy, i can see why and how it can be difficult for some ppl to even accept they are gay much less express that to other ppl. on one hand i feel that when i kiss my partner goodbye and hold her hand i am showing the world that i am ok with who i am, and i am maybe paving the way for another little girl who wants to smooch little girls to be more comfortable with who she is, on the other hand i am not required to wave my pride flag and neither is anyone else. so i feel torn inside.
while i totally appreciate ellen and elton and chaz and all the other “out” celebrities, i do not feel that they are required to be spokesppl for the lgbtqa community. we have no idea what the private lives of these ppl are like, what their demons are and what prejudices they themselves hold not to mention the ppl in their lives. and while i have about 100 ppl in my life who know my name and think they know who i am, a person of celebrity status has millions of ppl who think they know them. there is a huge difference there! that is opening themselves up to alot of rejection and ridicule, and it is also making them responsible for being the ever good gay person or trans person bc they are the face of queer. that is sorta bullshit! i remember a coupla years back george micheals, you know the guy from wham everyone rumored to be bi bc something something ear pierced in the 80’s, apologized to the gay community for not coming out before and for not being an upstanding member of the community because he had gotten in trouble doing some naughty things in public. recently sean hayes, jack mcfarland on will and grace, also apologized for being in the closet for so long. and while, yes, being visible is a good thing and it is pretty awesome that ppl outside of the queer community seem to be accepting us more openly, i can only think of the young man and his dad, that struggle when i think of these ppl apologizing for not being open.
this last week a diver came out as gay, and it’s a big deal to ppl. i feel like i am supposed to get all worked up and just goo-goo over a person simply for being queer, and i just can’t seem to gather the strength to do that. i appreciate their openness but not anymore than i appreciate the openness of my partner or cole or carles or kat or brandon or kennedy or aj or leslie or leigh ann or brett or…..
click here for the story: trans-women left out in the cold by the mainstream lgbtqa community
cece mcdonald and chelsea manning are just 2 recent examples of the mainstream gay community turning it’s back on trans ppl despite the overwhelming need of support this group of ppl especially have. transwomen are the targets of police brutality and profiling. unreported and undocumented rape, when a rape is reported it is not taken seriously bc well all trans women are prostitutes in the eyes of the law,therefore they had it coming…sound familiar? transppl are the most brutalized ppl at every turn of society and the darker the skin the more likely they are to be on the end of a pole to the face or having a bottle bashed over their skull. so, where the hell is the outcry from the gay community? why the separation?
this is just my opinion and is based solely on my experience with a few mainstream lgbtqa groups. i may be totally off, but this is what i have seen as a common problem…..
the gay community as a whole is fighting to assimilate into the mainstream culture. yes we are gay but we are just like you! queers have moved out of their own communities and into the suburbs. we have gone from bandanna boys to suit and and trademarked rainbow pride ties. sure signs that we as a community are growing up, wanting to establish families, and blend in, but at what cost?
we are giving up our culture for the prefab manufactured hetero-normative lifestyle. instead of demanding our rights as we are, we are willing to put our culture and our history aside. this is ok if that is what you want to do! what i am not ok w is leaving our transgender and gender queer ppls to fend for themselves bc they can’t blend as easily as say a butch gay man or even a butch lesbian. so the gay association with the transppl is on rocky terms. it’s like realizing your best friend isn’t one of the cool ppl in high school-do you chose to go sit at the cool table wo your best friend of tell them to fuck off if they can’t accept your friend, too? for me this is an easy one, but it seems as though the mainstream gay community is doing the opposite of what parents tell their children to do when faced w this dilemma in grade school, they are choosing the cool kids.
i can somewhat understand how the political aspect of the chelsea manning case might be a bit much for nonpolitical ppls to take on but when it comes to the outright media mockery of chelsea as a transgendered woman and the insistence of refusal to address her as a woman with feminine pronouns and her chosen name should be an issue the lgbt community is jumping all over! cece mcdonald was protecting herself from physical assault, but due to the fact that she is a black transwoman made her guilty from the moment her assailant began the assault-no i didn’t mistype, she was guilty from the moment the person assaulting her began! so where are the outpouring of letters and petitions sent to every inbox of every left, democrat person by changeDOTorg. where is the human rights campaign, where is the southern poverty law center or the naacp? where are the groups that are formed to fight for the downtroddened and hated? why are there no picket signs and political demands? why are we not screaming at the top of our collective lungs for justice?
i am tired of this hypocritical nonsense! i am tired of being a part of a group that would abandon me at the drop of a social whim bc maybe lesbians will be outta style next season! i am not a hetero-normative woman with religious indoctrination and pradda shoes!! queer ppl have a long history, of political radicalism and breaking the ropes binding them to arbitrary rules. this history and culture are embroidered with the lives of the trans ppls, and to not hold them as brothers and sisters of the movement is disgusting.
lgbtqa movements are springing up all over the place. for those of you way behind on the lingo lgbtqa stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, asexual/ally. you may see this combo of letters in different arrangements, sometimes with other letters attached or it may be referred to as “alphabet soup”. this can be confusing but it means our ideas on sexual identity and gender identity are expanding which is a fabulous thing!
i have to say that the brave ppl who fought gender oppression were the first on the front lines of the battle for sexual rights. this is not just at stonewall but in san fransico and los angelos. the gender pushers were the first to take a bottle to the head and police harassment. transphobia in the gay/queer community is ridiculous and redundant. it should stop. it should have never begun.
so here’s the deal..gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer are forms of sexual behavior, attraction and action, the verb sex. this sex includes forms other than “one man with one woman” sex. transgender and gender queer have nothing to do with verb sex, and everything to do with noun sex-what gender you are and what gender you identify with. and while the word sex is used in both of these categories the meaning of the word changes changing the entire climate of the conversation. for simplicity sake let’s take out noun sex and replace it with the word gender. at least for a bit.
it seems to me the breakdown in communication is most commonly occurring here: sexuality vs. gender. over the last 50 years our cultural understanding of sexuality has made great strides, more and more things outside the boundaries of one male, one female missionary style sex are becoming acceptable and expected. families look very different today than they did in 1950. you may see a child with 2 dads or 2 moms or 2 moms one dad or 2 dads one mom or no mom or no dad….you may see men holding hands with men in walmart or women holding hands in the mall. not to say these things were not happening in 1950, but it was not happening in public, only behind closed doors and under facades. there are ppl who can say “i have no sexual attraction towards anyone!” now we SEE the wide variety of sexual orientations everywhere. there are advocacy groups for gays, there are pflags and gay/straight alliances in schools, there are a wide variety of christian churches opening their doors to the queer population. all of this is wonderful!
but due to the way sex has been wrapped up in gender for so long, and traditional gender roles have been established by man does abc, woman does 123, how do you abc123 when you have two ppl of the same gender filling both roles? this has left us with a great opportunity to reconsider what is masculine and what is feminine. what does gender mean? and how do we individually see ourselves under the gender microscope?
this allows a person who was born a male, to look inside themselves, to stop playing by societal rules, and know they are female. most ppl look at a transgender woman and assume they are just a very flamboyant gay male, therefore the transwoman will be attracted to men, have sex w men bc deep down they are just a man in a dress who likes to smooch other men. this could not be further from the truth about transppl! trans ppl struggle from a very early age with gender identity. this has nothing to do with who they want to smooch on. as a matter of fact, i know more trans ppl who if they were cis-gendered (identifying with the gender they were assigned at birth-a female person who lives in a female body as a female) they would be considered straight. many transwomen i know are in relationships with female identified ppls, and many transmen are in relationships with other male identified ppl. being a trans person or a gender pusher does not have anything to do with your sexual orientation.
a person has every right to live as their chosen gender or lack of gender. it is the choice of the individual and ppl other than that individual do not get to define them. the same goes for sexuality. i don’t get to say that a person is not a woman bc they do not have big breasts. when it comes down to cis-gendered folks, noone would argue that breast size has nothing to do w the validity of the woman. same goes for transppl! if a person is born male but feels female she has every right to express herself in the manner that makes her feel comfortable. this may not include typical “feminine” social constraints-it is possible that a transwoman may never shave their legs, wear a dress, wear a wig, curl their hair or pick flowers; a transman may shave thier legs, never work on cars and enjoy cooking. doing things outside of the social norm is ok for transppl, as it is for any other ppls! if the shaving of legs makes you more or less a woman, there are alot more girls in boy bodies and boys in girl bodies. bottom line is the ppl who get to define a person is the person themselves and noone else!
there is a major issue in many of the activist circles concerning the legitimacy of transppl. i have seen alot of trans-snubbing and even violence against transppl or gender queer ppl. i have seen this in the feminist circles, in the gay community and of course in the hetronormative world. it makes me incredibly sad to see this. the results are devastating! self-mutilation, suicide, depression are just a few very common issues that occur in ppl who don’t tow the cis-gendered line, and not having a community to fall back on, a group of ppl who say you are great the way you are only further pushes the transppl toward these very destructive problems. i have seen feminists rallying for equality tell transwomen they are not real women and have no place in feminist circles. i have seen members of the gay community turn their backs on trans ppl. i think this is bullshit and i would rather not be associated with ppl who act so deplorably! we call for equal rights but only for a select few? we ask not to be judged for who we are, and yet we sit back and judge others for just being who they are? this is not ok! when one person is oppressed, we all are oppressed. when one person is assaulted, we all feel the ramifications of that! i cannot understand why ppl who have been on the receiving end of so much hatred and mistreatment can turn around and demean, humiliate and belittle other ppl! this needs to end!
my trans and gender queer friends are some of the coolest and most educated ppl i know. they are strong and they are beautiful. the world is much better having these ppl than not! we need to stop drawing lines in the sand making ppl outside of acceptable. ask questions, talk to ppl, listen! i have yet to meet a transperson or gender queer person who is unwilling to at least attempt dialogue on the issues of gender and/or sexuality. i have learned so much from just having friends over and asking questions in an honest way than i have reading any book ever written! i do have extraordinary friends, but i believe they are not the exception. if you don’t know any transppl or gender queer ppl, le t me know, and i will have someone get in touch with you and answer any questions you have to the best of their ability!
most of the ppl that i have met, either in person or in cyberlife, that identify as anarchist also identify as queer and vise versa. in all actuality this makes complete sense, both are means of breaking traditional colonial lifestyles: anarchy living without the state and the restraints it places on human beings/queer living outside of the dichotomy of binary gender roles and sexuality.
both of these concepts are extremely simple, and yet for some reason they are represented as a complicated bundle of theories only available to the educated elite. when reading about either of these concepts, it is impossible not to notice the literature is meant for a select group of ppls and not the masses. when the common american reads at a third grade level, attempting to access understanding of anarchy or queer theory is impossible. most of the time i think the writers of the books/papers/articles/zines are in battle with each other to see who can be the most confusing and bombastic,one-upping each other in use of extreme vocabulary and complication of such simple theories. this is counterproductive to the movement.
revolution is inevitable, in one form or another, things are changing rapidly. the ppl are fed up. they are tired, worried and sick. they are tired of being forced into compartments not made for them,but for a generic cut-out of what a person should be. this is happening and how we portray our ideals of humanity and it’s available options has everything to do with the direction the wind will blow. therefore, pandering to each other who have already been exposed to these theories is doing nothing except to blow smoke up each others’ assses and continuing to divide ppl, just along new lines. the educated elite and the common learned. this is not revolution, it is painting the house another color.
the ppl who need queer anarchist theory are young, old, middle aged, toddlers, and the person drawing their last breath. knowing there are options outside of rich and poor, male and female, black and white gives ppl hope. it allows all to find a nitch, no matter how “outside normalcy” they feel or have been treated.
in the past few decades we have seen a dramatic change of social norms and ideas-the is a rise in interracial couples, homosexuals are becoming commonly seen in the media, feminism is changing the way women are treated. none of this is complete and none is perfect but it is showing that ppl are opening up to breaking ties with conservative ideology, making room for egalitarian society that anarchy and queer theories offer. but in order for these to be adopted, they must be presented in ways that are understood to ppl as they are now. the educated elite are not the ones screaming in the night for revolution, the fed and rested are not grasping at straws to escape their situation. it is the poor, the unprivileged, the uneducated masses that are in desperate need of immediate change. and yet it is these ppl who are out of touch with the ideals that can make the largest difference in their lives, even just the knowledge that ppl are capable of thinking outside of the imaginary box that was built around their minds, can make all the difference in someone’s life. the knowledge that there are others living freely, despite their surroundings, gives hope and light to those who are desperate for it.
so i am asking for us to stop making things so complicated. it is really the most simple basic idea that you are good no matter what and you are capable of making your own choices. we need to stop targeting self-identified queer anarchists and start talking and writing to the ppl who are without.