hey, mom, i made it

sometimes words aren’t strong enough

there isn’t enough emphasis to describe

the whole of you

i have scoured dictionaries

i have devoured sacred texts

but no word can sum it up





emotional brute

none tell the story of who you decided to be

the hatred that consumes all you think

the curses you place

on the heads

of those you love

the evil inactions

you take toward those you don’t

sacrificing your own children

for your comfort & greed

you have no right to the names

of your mother, your grandmother

you do not have the honor

of being a mother, a grandmother

your acrimony has placed you outside

maybe everything now is just



*trigger warning* sunshine on my face

i thought we had been carved of stone

one power, three goddesses

it was a romantic thought

 daydream, a silly wish on a silly star

how could i be a me alone

there was no me-only us

or that is what was whispered in my ear

frantic phone calls, sirens

holidays celebrated under suicide watch

getting  naked, tweaked-out mom into the car

calls from jails

calls from friends

calls from doctors

calls from children

fist fights

broken bones

blood, sweat, guts and tears

promises made then discarded

no honor among the deluded

coming into my home

wearing queer-phobia proudly

like a halston design pill hat

calculating, judging with unearned arrogance

looking as if shit was smeared on your upper lip

repossession of presents and pictures

decades of begging, pleading, bribing, stealing

i am mutilated and monsterous

begging for validation left my knees bleeding

then thaumaturgy! magic realizations:

love is not a chain tethering to ensure outcome

home is not an asylum with fear hiding in shadows

and there is the triple divinity that has always lived inside


being a parent

our youngest son sam is trying to get into a college prep program at the local university.  the program is specifically designed for students from low income families in which the parents did not go to college.  there are many good things that this program encourages-cultural activities, community involvement, maintaining a good grade point average and a strong desire to attend college.  he will need to go to the meetings and at least one of his parents need to attend the parent meetings.  i went to one of these meetings  saturday morning, and i have never felt so awkward (well i probably have but…you know) about being the weird family.

there were about 40 parents there, maybe less. and i was sitting at the front of the pack.  there was a speaker who was the person who founded the program.  the topic was over what kinds of kids would make it in the program and what kind of kids would fail to thrive.  also, what kind of parents these children have.  the speaker writes down two catagories: success/unsuccessful and ask the audience what contributes to a child being a successful student.  there were many attributes listed and i mean they were all good things, but then the conversation took an unusual turn.

the parents and the speaker began to talk about how kids need boundaries, about how their activities need to be monitored and how “you are the parent they are the children.  you tell them what to do and they do it!!!!”  several parents said they go through their children’s electrical devices and social media accounts.  apparently this is an acceptable practice bc these children will go insane unless regulated and monitored.  there needs to be rigid rules in the house and you need to know where your kid is at all times and who they are with or else the evils will sneak in and plant seeds in your sweet baby’s head and undo all the good you have done.

our approach to parenting is way different than those in that room.  as a family unit we all participate equally.  our kids are honest and upfront.  we am honest with them.  instead of having rules and regulations we have logical discussions.  we do not look through our children’s private personal property bc we do not feel we need to do that, it is invasive and if we would not do something to someone who is our peer we will not do it to my children.  we actually taught the boys to erase their internet history.  due to the fact that our kids can come to any of us and tell us anything and we don’t freak out, they have no need to hide things from us.  we know they are going to make mistakes.  sometimes we tell them, “hey, this is not really a good idea and this is why.”  but when it comes down to it, the boys are going to do what they believe is the best thing for them and if it hurts them,  they must live with that, and while it is sometimes difficult to sit back and watch, it is the only way for ppl to figure out who they are and what they want to do.  we make decisions based on consensus, everyone having an equal voice.   everyone has talents and everyone has different levels of things they are able to do and unable to do.  by demanding that everyone be the same and all do what everyone else does, it is unfair treatment.  our kids are perfectly capable of making the right decision based on their own moral compass.  if they were not able to do that then we have not been very responsible parents.  not taking a certain action bc you are afraid of what your parents will think do or say is really not making a decision bc that is what you feel is the best thing to do, it is made out of fear of repercussion, similar to only believing in god bc you don’t want to go to hell-it’s silly and fake.

many ppl think that wo strict discipline kids will run amuck causing havoc and chaos, join gangs and cook meth.  well, i can attest to the fact that this is false philosophy based mostly on fear and the need to feel superior.  our kids are not violent, selfish or perverted in any manner.  our kids are secure in who they are and what they believe bc they have come to these conclusions themselves and their lives have not been dictated to them.  we, ted, amy and myself, are support not supreme.  our kids aren’t coming home drunk.  they are not having unprotected sex or drugging girls.  2 of our boys are straight edge, not even taking over the counter medications and the other has gotten drunk and hated it, so he doesn’t drink anymore nor does he do any hard drugs.  they made the choice, and they know that we are always here to love and support them no matter what.

prochoice =pro-growingupinanuturingatmosphere

prolife anti human

the argument against abortion has always been on the basis of morality of killing an innocent human being who just happens to be a fetus. and this has been a great motivator to continue legislation for making abortions less accessible for women at every turn.  this revamping of law does nothing to stop women from having abortions, what it does do is force women to have more risky procedures and clouds the judgement of ppl after the procedure is done.  for the women that are put into positions of carrying a fetus against their will and desire are forced into motherhood when not ready or not willing to be one.

there are a few phrases the prolife teams use to shame women into being unwilling incubators to unwanted fetuses.  the worst of these coined terms is “if a pregnancy is the result of a rape, then the idea of abortion is understandable.”  is this decision based on a rape that has been proven in a court of law or is the woman also responsible for proving it was an act of rape, taking up to a year to pull through the justice system?  is it only violent rape or does date rape count too?  what is the difference between a fetus conceived of rape and one conceived of lust?  the fetuses of both acts are the same.  they develop at the same rate.

“if a woman is mature enough to open her legs, she should have to live with the consequences of her actions.”  this is essentially using the would be child as punishment for having sex.  the pregnancy a huge growing scarlet “a” for all the world to see.  when this is the situation, how is the woman going to view the child when it is born?  is it assumed that this will not create animosity and loathing, or is this not a concern?  neuroscience has proven that when a mother, therefore a fetus, is exposed to trauma and hazards the neurodevelopment of child that is born is abnormal and the mental capacities unstable.  so when we force women to carry babies unwillingly they are born already 6 steps behind.  even if the child is given up for adoption immediately after birth, there is a 50/50 chance that the child will suffer from illnesses induced during gestation.  a child is not a punishment.  it is a person.  everytime we slut shame women by forcing them into motherhood we are running the risk of bringing in a new generation of PEOPLE who are unable to thrive.

“when a woman has an abortion, she is killing a baby.”  this is bullshit!  this is not real and so incredibly inaccurate according to science!  for the first trimester the clump of cells is an embryo, it then becomes a fetus.  it will not be a baby until it is outside of the mother’s body.  the fetus will not have the biological factors for responding to stimuli until about 20 weeks after conception.  until the fetus can respond to stimuli it has less neural activity than an ant.  we as a collective species have no issues with killing ants, most ppl have no issues with killing vermin such as roaches, rats, mice, even opossums, which all have more neural development than a 19 week old fetus.   there are many states that are forcing women to undergo vaginal sonogram prior to an abortion forcing the mother too look at the clump of cells calling it her “baby” the entire time.  despite the humanoid shape, this is just a cluster of cells until week 20.  forcing the mother to look at her baby that she is going to kill does cause many women, especially young women, to maintain the pregnancy, but what are the long term repercussions of that?

if a woman does not want a baby and is forced or coerced into continuing a pregnancy there are many many things that can go wrong.  if a woman does not want to be pregnant she is more than likely not going to be taking the necessary precautions and actions to produce a healthy child.  diet, emotional stability, physical activity are all good things for a fetus to be exposed to during gestation.  drugs, alcohol, homelessness, poverty, malnutrition, and chaotic environments are all detrimental to neurological and physical development of a fetus causing longterm issues for the child that is born putting a strain on the family and society at large.  many times a  woman is told that “there are so many ppl out there who want a baby! you can have that baby and give it to a loving family that can’t have a baby of their own.” which seems simple and a bit utopian.  but even when a woman knows she cannot raise a child and cannot provide a stable home for the child carrying a fetus for 9 months, feeling it move and kick, having it take the calcium out of your body, expelling it from your body causes a compulsionary need to continue to provide for the squirmy little baby that they place in your arms.  many times it is a selfish desire, the mother avoiding the pain of losing what she created, what she protected, what fed off her body.

when a woman wants to have an abortion, it is usually in the best interest of all involved.  it is usually the most difficult decision she has to make, but she makes it bc the options are too devastating.  despite what radical religious ppl think, women do not want to use abortion as birth control.  it is painful, physically, mentally and emotionally.  unwanted pregnancy is usually do to proper birth control failing otr inadequate sex education.  forcing a baby unto a woman who is not willing or able to be a mother for the rest of her life the consequences are child abuse, neglect, poverty, cruelty, emotional trauma, the list can go on and on.  it is a cruel and unusual punishment for the child.

if you want to do something to prevent ppl who are not wanting to have babies from having babies, invest your time and money into campaigning for free and appropriate birth control and sex education, this is the best anti-abortion technique known to work.  picketing abortion clinics and slut shaming women who get pregnant are counterproductive to society as a whole.  harassing the drs and nurses that abort fetuses that have been exposed to drugs or alcohol or are being carried by women who know for sure they are not able or willing to take care of a child is asinine.  it is time we look at what the end result in our collective social sexual taboos and punishing women for having sex actually is-it is women leaving babies in trash cans, drowning her children, tearing the scrotum off of her son, punching children, burning children, leaving children in locked cars or in houses alone.  it is broken families and scars.  when we give a clump of cells that cannot discern light from dark more rights and freedoms than we do a person, we are destroying lives!

for an article about fetal neurodevelopment click: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17905181

for article on woman who ripped her son’s scrotum prompting this blog post visit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/jennifer-marie-vargas-gentials-superglue_n_4156889.html