falling face first onto concrete-the last memory of past lives

ghosts from twenty-something years ago still haunting

staying hidden in the rafters of my subconscious, waiting

quiet and unobtrusive until weakness ushers in opportunity

then the cartoon flip book of broken memories comes out

white pages filled with diluted recall, attempts at justification

rudimentary stick figures act out the events as if on broadway

playing out the drunken stupor and decisions taken away

the flash of faces in a dream or featured in a commercial

seeing the eyes in maniacs screaming in ecstasy at dog fights

the smiles of demons spread across the faces of mall walkers

holding onto sanity simply due to the inability to see it all

silent thanks whispered in the wind and rain for amnesia

but leaving behind the gift of toxicity and social immortality

enough to make the nuns run in fear hands over mouths

heavy chains preventing escape rattle when the past lives

the clairvoyance of betrayal and dismissal as heads turn

family, friends, lovers quickly retreating into the darkness

there was no dissension as the unspeakable sins began

the women walking away quickly, a thanks it was not them

the men remaining, watching, preparing dicks hard and ready

wrists and ankles bruised, hair full of lawn clippings and pollen

clothes tattered and torn, the smell of dried blood permeating

stumbling through city streets baking in the texas summer sun

falling into the house, my safety, my refuge, i was finally home

there were questions i could not ask, answers i could not face

a hepatic hiccup under control, keeping the monsters at bay

the missing details can scratch the brain in moments of quiet

boones farm and rohypnal guarding the psyche against invasion

the history of a girl from long ago, the death of the yellow rose

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caution explicit content! rape culture playing hide and seek in alleys

the game of patient hiding

behind the dumpster

crouching ready to pounce

hands squeezing throats

slamming a head against pavement

ripping the  checkered dress

pull it over the eyes

exciting when she screams

she will never forget

being with a real man

she will stop fighting it

they all stop resisting

“stupid bitch, stop crying!

you are lucky i found you

now you belong to me!”

stealing the innocence

of little girls with pigtails

they will go to the cops

who will test and probe

finding nothing

except a broken girl infected

soon to sick to breathe

bleeding out her dreams

on the wet concrete

see you know the law

innocent until proven guilty

that is their fatal flaw

skirting justice, laughing

holding all the tricks

knowing the shimmy jimmy

playing dodge ball in life

it may work, you think you got away

but it comes creeping and crawling

a punch to the gut unexpected

karma’s got you by the balls

universal righteousness

time to pay the price

the hunter being hunted

time reversal you playing the prey

you are in the cross-hairs

metal cold in hands

the sight to the eye

finger pulls the trigger

and lets the bullets fly

cop commits sex crime and gets suspended from work for 30 days

cop commits sex crime and gets suspended from work for 30 days

are you kidding me?  what in the world is going on?

a cop tries to get a child to send him “sexy pics” and is caught and is suspended from work.  o and he can spread the suspension out over a year, so take a few vacation days.  i am appalled by this!  the state attorney isn’t pursuing charges bc this guy has been a police officer…i would think that would be even more incentive to pursue charges to the fullest extent of the law!  he didn’t accidentally rear end someone, he is a sexual predator!!!!  you don’t get to say “o my bad!  it was an accident…” when it comes to sending text messages to a 12 year old girl and asking her to send you pictures, more than once!!!  i am sick!!!  i think everyone should be pounding on the floor for justice for this girl and who knows how many other young girls he has preyed on!!!

warning-issue of sexual abuse towards men

warning-issue of sexual abuse towards men

society pretty much scoffs off the idea of males being the victim of sexual abuse.  the arguments are generally

  • how can a man get raped by a woman?  -well, for those ppl that aren’t aware an erect penis is just a matter of blood flow to the area, that can be accomplished by any number of ways.
  • if a male is sexually assaulted by another male he is gay and was giving off that gay vibe.  this is bullshit.  victims are not ever asking for it, male or female, gay or straight-abuse is abuse and it is never ok!  why do we feel we need to emasculate men when they are vulnerable, comparing them to women and devaluing them as “true men”?
  • if a man has an orgasm he liked it, so it can’t be rape.  ejaculation and orgasms are just another biological reaction to friction on certain nerves and tissues.  despite our attachment to the idea of orgasm meaning enjoyable sex, that is not the case.
  • men can’t be drugged and assaulted
  • men can’t have drunk sex
  • a man could get out of the situation if he wanted to.
  • what guy doesn’t want to have sex?

and so on and so forth.  because of these incredibly inaccurate view of maleness so many men go without reporting and live in shame and guilt.  when they do report, the crime is rarely investigated with vigor, leaving the victim in the cold and the predators in the streets.   

seeing these images are heartbreaking.  knowing the extreme pain, humiliation and degradation of sexual assault myself compounding that with the social stigma of being male and getting sexually assaulted is almost unimaginable.  we hush our voices when talking about rape, consent, rape culture, slut shaming, but when discussing these things in a masculine perspective the conversations are muted completely.  the men in these photos are standing up for so many more, holding the pain of this issue on their backs and attaching their faces to it.  thank you, gentlemen, for being so brave!  thank you for shining a light on this issue that needs to be discussed openly and honestly across gender lines and boundaries.

why we need feminism campaign

why we need feminism campaign

little girl reading little girl

there has been a campaign on why feminism is important.  do we  still need a feminist movement?  what good does it do society?  well, this article is the exact reason feminism still has a place at the shit needs to change table!

an little girl was being raped for years and finally ends up pregnant with the rapist’s baby.  this monster began the abuse when the girl was eight years old!  eight years old!  she is now eleven and pregnant with the baby of the man who stole her life.  what options does this child have?  what options have been ripped away from her beginning three years ago when the monster first attacked her?  what course was her life on that day?  did she have dreams of becoming a doctor or a dancer or wonder woman like most eight year old girls?  did she think she would someday be a rock star or a broadway actress?  did she dress up and sing songs in the mirror like i did when i was eight?  i doubt she was dreaming of being a mom in three years.  i doubt she had dreams of growing a fetus, or having to make a choice to terminate pregnancy before she was probably even aware of what pregnancy was.  i doubt she ever imagined the person she is today.

balerina

this girl is why we need feminism!  this girl and every other person in the world who faces not only rape, sexual assault, human trafficking, child marriages, sexist slurs against both women and men, the degradation of the feminine, the alienation at the hands of monsters hiding in shadows!  we need feminism because this girl and so many more like her had dreams that are ripped away replaced with decisions of abortion, adoption or raising a child when you are not prepared.  we need feminism because the view on any decision this girl makes will be condemned by ppl.  we need feminism bc women need to realize they are not fertile soil.  we need feminism bc this girl’s body stopped being her own a long time ago.  we need feminism bc there are monsters out there who stalked and prey on our children.  we need feminism bc no matter what this guy will never get what he deserves and because that girl will never not have been tortured.  nothing we do can ever give her back the life that was taken, the dreams that were broken when he broke her hymen, the little angel that slept with a teddy bear is now sleeping with a fetus.

littlle girl w doll teen pregnancy and education picture

a rape survivor speaks up when judge let’s the convicted rapist off with no jail time

a rape survivor speaks up when judge let’s the convicted rapist off with no jail time

alone

try to imagine:

when you are a child and someone older, an adult, tells you something you generally buy it bc they are adults and you are a stupid kid.  you are a young girl who is raped and threatened that if you tell anyone you will be killed or your family will be endanger, you are going to believe that.  you have just taken a trip on the scariest roller coaster through hell.  having to see the man every day who raped you, is unbearable.  going to sleep is a battle, fear keeping you at the verge of consciousness.  you don’t ever calm down, your nervous system standing on end, hypothalmus in overdrive, and muscles ready to run or fight at any given moment.  for years.  years you are tormented by the site of the man next door, his face hovering over yours, threats spewing out of his mouth.  you hold back tears during the flashbacks bc you can’t answer the questions everyone asks you.  you must paint on a smile and hope noone sees through your bullshit facade of happiness.

four years later, you have settled into your self loathing and self blaming, you are comfortable with your fear.  you tell your friends and they tell your parents.  speaking the truth for the first time in four years.  now, your parents tell you you need to go to the police.  everyone tells you you need to talk about it, you need to help stop this monster from doing this to anyone else.  the lives of other innocent young girls are now on your shoulders.  you tell your story to strangers over and over again.  you have ppl question you, doubt you, believe you, ppl look at you with sympathy in their eyes, and your parents cry and blame themselves.

you go to court, and go through a trail.  this is no longer about justice for what has happened to you in the past, you are now doing everything within your power and control to protect that little girl that just moved into the neighborhood from going through the same thing.  you are fighting for her.  you tell your story to a room full of supporters and strangers facing the man who has changed your life forever, physically holding onto the chair bc otherwise you might run out the door.  he is still scary.  you hold the picture of the ‘next girl’ in your mind and you swallow and you tell your story from years ago.  you do it for her.  for the next girl.  you did what you could.  it’s now up to the jury.

the jury leaves and determines that the man is guilty of raping you.  around you you can hear the sighs of relief.  you can hear the shuffle of vengeance.  is this real?  did they just say “guilty”?  it takes a while but it finally washes over you like a bucket of cold water!  he is guilty of rape!!!!  for the first time in years, a small bit of fear leaves your body. for the first time in years, you can relax a bit.

your parents hug you.  your friends hug you.  he was found guilty, and that translates into you were found innocent.

you walk back into the court room and the judge sets the sentence for the man who has tortured you for so long,  the man who took your innocence and who caused your neurological system to be on hyperdrive for your adult life.

“six years probation and two years in a non-violent community corrections center” is what judge james w. woodroof, jr. sentenced a convicted rapist for twice raping a 14 year old girl named courtney andrews, who is now 20.  she is speaking up and out for justice!  she was silenced for 4 years by the man who lived next door to her.  the rapist, austin smith clem, lucked out in the defense attorney dept!  it just so happened that his attorney was childhood buds with the HONORABLE (gag cough) james w woodroof, jr!

just in case anyone wanted to write the HONORABLE judge james w woodroof, jr please do remember that he is a judge and if you take it too far you can be arrested…but i personally think he needs to know that he, not courtney, has the life of the next girl on his conscious!  so please keep it dignified and no threats, please. (i am not responsible for what is said to the HONORABLE judge james woodroof, jr!)

Judge James W Woodroof, Jr.
Limestone County Circuit Court
200 Washington St. 3rd Floor
Athens, AL 35611
Phone: (256) 233-6410
Fax: (256) 233-6664