dan

he was sitting on a bench

just outside the sliding glass door

haggard

bent

drooped

chain smoking

emotional genitalia hanging out

on display for everyone to mock

he didn’t give a shit anymore

he grew up in ohio

where no one smiled

his big escape came in the mail

“You are hereby ordered for introduction into the Armed Forces of the United States and to report to”

to the sunny beaches of california

to the sunny beaches of vietnam

there weren’t no goddamn parades

nobody celebrates

a professional baby killer

and that’s who he was

and that’s who he is

hungry

tired

invisible

knees bowed under the weight

of his reflection

he ain’t sure about anything

except

he ain’t ever going back to ohio

 

park ‘n sons

shadows of the past

demons twitching twisted thoughts

internal torment and writhing

feet fighting against nothing

panic fear dread

the darkness fills up my peripheral vision

emotions boxed up

no attachment to action

no happiness

no sadness

no excitement

the only thing left is survival

trapped in trepidation

frenzied fight or flight complex

but the veil is up

hiding the rational, explainable, traceable

leaving  the mirage of a human

rigid arms

legs shaking

eyes set deep

smiling flat

childish understanding

fucked up thought patterns

seismic tremors through the shell of flesh

horror of the glances

breathing in consternation

as the dopamine deficiency dance continues

that one kid over there

the scars on forearms

shimmering under the fluorescent lights

shining bright scarlet

illuminating white

with each gasp for air

eyes rolled back

tormented ecstasy

insanity is the only safe place

for tongues twisted and forked

lies on lies on lies on lies on lies

legos and lincoln logs

playing jenga through the window

the aftermath of the afternoon

when the monsters come out to dance

to the wailing and screaming

your voice is their heartbeat

whispers to gods

foreign and unknown

they don’t dwell with you

in the hovel of inhumanity

hold the gospels in your thoughts

pray for a salvation

the cynical ghosts your only tie to laughter

where you are, dear child, is nowhere

in the quiet the demons cackle

in the tranquil the liars prowl

in the zen reliving rape and pillage

in the calm the evil crawls

sweet dreams

sleep tight

hope to never see daylight

 

daddy’s eyes

it’s shocking

the places i find you

a wraith

in the windows to the soul

in reflections

in photographs

in the hallways of memories

times and places you never existed in

but you’re there

somehow

always

there

in the dead quiet of night

in the whispering yawns of dawn

an apparition

smelling of cheap cigerettes and old spice

a haunting

in the crisp appalachian air

in the deep forest of new england

the echo of your voice

knocks hard

like the atlantic tides against a beach of stones

i am blind to what you saw

when you looked at me

with the eyes identical to those set in my face

blue tinted muscles

pulsing against the black and white

it would be a luxury

to understand

fully, completely, without hesitation

what it means to

have your daddy’s eyes

taking turns

twist and sparkle on the ground

sweet dancing in the rain

when the softness can be found

in the patience and the pain

forgotten witnesses are learned

and they saw it once again

in the fire long was burned

treaties forged in blood for gain

shadows of humanity are bound

where the innocence of cain

the sins of abel swims around

sweet dancing in the rain

crash boom bam pizzazz and party favors

these bombs

shake the pictures off the walls

leaving windowpanes vibrating like a beehive

these bombs

ripping apart the sides of mountains

where dinosaurs used to roam

these bombs

fired by 18 year old kids

with questionable criminal histories

with questionable mental stability

these bombs

just practice for the real deal

prototypes for the ones to be sent over there

these bombs

don’t send us running for cover

aren’t aimed at our homes

these bombs

a constant reminder we will force

any peoples to do what we want

these bombs

are meant to spread democracy

into lands where democracy was stripped away

by the bombs sent before them

these bombs

these bombs

these bombs

send tears down my cheeks

these bombs

will take a child away

these bombs

will break through the bricks of hospitals

these bombs

will settle on school desks

these bombs

leave humanity vibrating with the magnitude of loss