my heart on fire

it’s beautiful

freedom

whirling twirling

uninhibited unrestrained

chasing bubbles, ladybugs, dragonflies

singing up the sun

howling at the moon

laughing the stars into existence

acting on impulse

taking down the mirrors

the world as it is

no reverse images

unwinding the clocks

so maybe life can stand still

while we are innocent

while we are here

here we are

here i am

and

it’s beautiful

 

 

 

 

 

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never expected

the future is silent and shrouded

she can be a coy day dream

or a deja vu vixen in red fishnets

what’s up and coming is her whimsy

trips to the fortune teller to get a head-start on

preemptive adjustments, details, dinner dates, plane tickets

sometimes it feels like cheating at solitaire

but we do

there are sweat-shops pumping products

watches, calendars, organizers, dated bullshit

so we can pencil in life just in case we are still getting down

tues october 23 at 7:28 pm

there are infinite inane possible probabilities

ready and waiting to swerve our course of action

in the pure light of knowledge, with full understanding

i smile as the moon appears in her glory

i grumble at the sun until i pour coffee into my mouth

i make appointments and plans and reservations

i make room for anticipation and joy

i recognize the sheer randomness

the scientific magic of it all

gravity, the big bang, evolution, earth’s rotation

spinning day into night

grand love affair with solar flare

singing praises of seasons

two independent half cellular structures colliding

forming an entirely new entity

there is no guarantee of future episodes

we are not promised even the moment now

life is a journey of attempts to travel up a silk thread

there is no trophy at the top, no blue ribbon or pot of gold

my love, my lesson, my religion, my life, my god

is

i taste ambrosia, peaches, melons and chocolate

every movement is a dance

every embrace is an endearment

i am my own authority

i move with intent and motivation

i live within consent and contentment

i refuse to surrender to the voice of others

the lovely & talented dichotomy

thunder, searing flesh, bells, whispers

laughter, harsh demands, echoing

sending 3 billion galaxies

universally, unilaterally, uniformly

writhing, rhythmic gyrations

waves crashing inside of life

moving in, out, through

no permission needed

carrying with it all secrets

osmosis, baby!

repression/rejuvenation/regurgitation

it’s not about fair

it’s about seconds, months, decades

it’s about the verbs, nouns, descriptives

thinking, loving, gripping, screaming

diamond tears and sapphire giggles

immerse into the pool, marinate in divinity

footsteps can start earthquakes

euphoria and agony have always been bedmates

 

turning a whisper into a tornado

humanity under construction

staring into faces of monsters

cruel jokes built of shame and disgust

such loathsome lusus naturae

at some time we all draw up blueprints

and build our beautiful facades

fake fronts, fake faces, fake persona’s

silicone, lithium, loreal, lsd

the wonderment of living

far away from the core

of the life that is going down

souls hidden in helium balloons

bobbing and bopping, shuck and jive

in correlation with the down-there-shit

it feels safe up high where no one looks

conspiracy, manipulation, trickery, intrigue

leave a tingling sensation and advanced sex appeal

there is something in the velvet voice of a liar

the seductive eyes of madness

capturing passion like fireflies

chasing excitement with fishing line

labs, lights, lamps, overseas shipping

fermented grapes or stealing change

there is always a way to get a bit further away

to rise just a bit more

more sex, more money, more power, more drugs

but as every balloon-lover knows….

at some point it all comes back down

tragedy and vanity, the great wake up calls

sending all that was up down in fire balls

the arrogant will walk through the ashes

dressed in the emperor’s new clothes

naked to the world but too foolish to know it

others break, cry, scream, dig

temporary insanity at it’s finest

lunar and solar love affairs

tucking away the masks and wigs

purging the lies and insecurities

discovering all the beauty within

allowing fingers to become calloused

cards shuffling, laughter, pitter-patter

the smell of yeast rising and garlic sauteeing

baked apples and gingerbread and cardamom

hugs and embraces and humanity and kindness

holding chins parallel to the floor

because no matter what there is nothing to be ashamed of

“out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”

-khalil gibran

the magical mystery of the batshit crazy

i am firmly

singular owner of my body

there is only one entity

that may decide

what i will and won’t do

not a system

not a government

not a body of radical weirdos

the only thing in this world

that will and can keep

me

from life is

me

i was born into a certain social caste

indoctrinated into beliefs

sometimes i doubt

do i believe my beliefs

do i believe my consciousness

are my emotions reactions

mine or familial baggage

bestowed on me

was i taught

directly or indirectly

it doesn’t matter

that all people are equal

this was not a running philosophy my family

slurs and exceptions

my

reactions and self discipline

not to fall into that pit is still chained to them

ways and comprehensions

confuse and leave me

in constant semi-terrified states

a bitterness sits in the back of the throat

the cold, trail-less landscape of self discovery

a mixture of toxic and tincture

facing the demons

fighting the mist and ghosts

old enemies come back

prepared for a battle

over the sanity of my life

doubt

abandonment

allowing them to act as my mirror

mountains to hurdle

my mind is as free

as a mind can be

i do not bow

break for anyone

i am simply personified

a holistic woman undefined

there have been video game-like barriers obscuring my travels

my direction

but the trail

hope

light

peace

whispers in the wind

the song of birds

i hold my head high

for no reason besides humanity

i am a part of the web of life

i will not get out alive

what happens after that

questionable and debatable

while i am here

i can leave a footprint

i will be better on the way out