words:
a collection of symbols and sounds,
seemingly benign
noninvasive
nonviolent
communication
there are times these neutral beings
creep up tap me on the shoulder
flying fist of fury in the face
surprise
mortality
fear
elation
sunsets and flowers
a bumbling mess
the laundry pile of thoughts midair
leaving me a cackling crone sprawled on concrete
spitting teeth and blood
expelling bile bitter and yellow
between the hacking laughter of the demented
the old woman in the young body
21st century trojan horse
confusion and maze-like obstacles to conquer
before words, thoughts, names become intangible
karmic retribution for crimes unknown
undisclosed
a dark comedy written for the omnipotent forces
walking and talking in malls and dance clubs
Deities in raves and eating mdma by the handfuls
the highest quality fear molded into reality
mental monstrosity is a dirty martini of the gods
attempts at neutrality, the scientific method
lovers chanting hope
“they are not sure”
faith is the dead stink of decay engulfing the corpse
somehow comforting the most beloved and foolish
a sucker’s religion in opium dens
blind and loving it
optimism-a comfort, a nice sunshine breaking the night
the ability to see shit and call it shineolia their saving grace
it is a gift to the few lost in prayer and humanity
those dripping conviction
not accessible to the masses
to the hungry and the drowning
the sickness of my mind stole the pretty package of disillusionment
leaving stones and rotten potatoes
the coal from santa
the confusion grows daily
the memory fades and twists
lost in ever-changing loops and turns of life’s labyrinth
now a prison of trees and beautiful creatures of death
“they aren’t sure…”
“noone is certain…”
“hold onto hope…”
the new lines of empty pomposity on the inside of hallmark cards
given freely by loved ones and the compassionate stranger
those in my boat
the other passengers prepared and scared
sweaty hands choking tickets
marked for the summerland
there is a common look
the smile giving comfort and calm
but the eyes hold the ideas of pain and demonic horrors
as far as we know it’s a one way trip
a nonstop to nowhere
lucifer-cruel bringer of light- tells us to pack a toothbrush
the built in human mechanism of self preservation
the carbon-based refusal to surrender in spite of defeat
i am no different
i am no better than the beggar at the door
i will scavenge for alternatives
drinking elixirs and popping pills
new this and that and medical studies of possibilities
i will sign papers until deemed unable to do so
then they will sign the papers for me
anything to hold on just one more day
to laugh one more time
today almost sane
rational
in my pjs of pretense
i hold the hammer of bravery and strength unwavering
climbing into the herculean ego and recklessness
facing the world like a madman on meth
but i have yet to forget to wear clothes
i still have time
access
a respite from madness
one day that will be a dream
a balloon released
all of the hopes and the prayers, bargains and promises
soon there will not be enough
silk flowers and rabbits
to pull off the party trick buying time
everything looks different when you live life reversed
playing back blocks memories in sensory overload
when the past will be gone and life will be forgotten
a madness of lonely lunacy
brain shrinking and shaking
all that is left is a shell
the creature inside long gone
light and shadows etched on kodak paper
the dancing eyes and smiles of what once was