son of isaac, son of abraham

i don’t know how to feel lost

helpless

hogtied eyes forced open

to watch the destruction

no escaping the fire of wrath

caused by narcissism and loathing

loathing women, loathing different, loathing her

she is not her actions

she is not her words

a beautiful girl who should just know

know how to cope with the adult shit the adults are failing at

know how to show love when love has always had limits

know how to be the perfect angel at the end of your fist

i saw who you were

the finger prints on the throat

because bitches talk too much

because bitches cry too much

because bitches should mind their manners

i saw her see her mom beat so many times

i saw her believe that was love

everyone knew the goblet of hatred would spill over

everyone knew it would just be a matter of time

before she would be drowning in fear

shaking leaf like about a phone call

escape plans in the ready

i see the scars of watching her mother

watching the torture, the violence, the degradation

scars when razor meets flesh in an intimate setting

i see the coldness required to survive

a child afraid to live because it hurts too bad

a punch to the shoulder, slamming her down to the floor

standing, demanding the crying to stop

sprawled on the floor after your hands tossed her down

where is the knight to rescue the princess

how long can she stay locked away without losing it

how long until her knight is just like you

i should have stepped on the gas

you should have been a speed bump

your jehovah is gone

dealing with those worthy of a god’s intervention

one day we will taste freedom

one day she will taste freedom

one day you will get your dues

when that day comes the crazy whores will dance in the streets

then you will waste away while no one cares

Advertisements

when i stopped believing in fairy-godmothers

i have seen war

battles declared and victor’s pomp

hand to hand combat and covert mission

under a dense canopy of pecan trees

scarlet nectar splattered on pink rose buds

blood and flesh glimmers in moonlight

hatred tastes like electricity and copper

anger, rage, radical vengeance, frenzy

call forth the morrigan

i have felt my feet stomp on red clay dirt

my body danced havoc to her ancient song

bones snapping and skin peeling

to feel meat between your teeth

the only sounds left in the world

heart beats and cries of pleasure and pain

minutes are days and months are seconds

there is no space or place or time

there is no past there is no future

there is no thought

there is only knowledge

survive

i have stood at the end

but there is no glory and no glamour

i have seen war and never left home

there was no peace treaty in family matters

growing up drunk on ardath street wichita falls, tx

 

can’t nobody sing like she can sing

there are times i think about you all

some thoughts are even happy

hindsight and memories are images

photos of once was detailed in gray-scale

i can taste the disappointment and loathing

i recognized it before i knew my own name

cruel and aloof were good times

belts, bruises, brushes, branches

the physical was easy peasy

the mental torture performed with expertise

i was created to capture and secure the paterfamilias

when plans fell through, as they often do

fire scorched the me i was before

childhood burned, a life left in a pile of ash

it’s hard to know what is proper behavior

five stories up walking a tight-rope in a tornado

but i did all that could be done without apology or disguise

i am wretched and ugly and dull

less than human

i wanted to be loved and to love

i missed that lesson

i am quite skilled in the art of bête noire

a prisoner from birth

bound and gagged with familial ties

 

the road is closed ahead

what if you wore pain

like a sweater in summer

what if it were tangible, visible

what color would abuse be

i remember mood rings

and lipsticks that changed

red or blue or pink or orange

thought to be a public service

it was bullshit

but there was someone trying

the rage and disgust piled and heaped

forced onto the backs of women

they carry it without complaint

a beast of burden has no voice

it simply does what it’s told

when tired or hungry or slow

it’s beaten

it’s struck with anything

the closest handy dandy weapon

we all knew the bitter hatred

eyes swollen shut, knots on the head

distinguishable fingerprints

the whirly swirly mark of you alone

around the throat leaving a mute mess

weakness and frailty were gifts

that is how a proper lady behaves

perfect for a predator just easy prey

tides change and consent to abuse

is no longer conditioning but a choice

there were emergency exits a-plenty

but the lessons were not learned

the words were repeated verbatim

without meaning or comprehension

NOW

there is a girl screaming

there is a girl bleeding

there is a girl begging

but it’s played out like a silent movie

a mime trapped in a box

the hope and light and love fade

the beautiful dancing daughter

laughter a whisper for others

the olive skinned girl with bouncing curls

has come in last place in your rat race

the sacred contract written in blood

was broken years ago

promises whispered in tiny ears

forgotten, lost, broken

bruises, threats, neglect, dismissal

a daughter tapped into survival

there were warnings flashing red

the all of her will be destroyed

the fire will be extinguished

the wants and needs and comfort

the selfishness a big red boot

weakness, fear, loneliness, guilt, discontent, shame, misery, irresponsibility, thoughtlessness, immaturity, immoral, erratic, absence

unattainable, unavailable luxuries

fool’s gold and glass diamonds

isn’t her sparkle, her dance imperative

or is it a burnt offering to the ego

 

 

a rape survivor speaks up when judge let’s the convicted rapist off with no jail time

a rape survivor speaks up when judge let’s the convicted rapist off with no jail time

alone

try to imagine:

when you are a child and someone older, an adult, tells you something you generally buy it bc they are adults and you are a stupid kid.  you are a young girl who is raped and threatened that if you tell anyone you will be killed or your family will be endanger, you are going to believe that.  you have just taken a trip on the scariest roller coaster through hell.  having to see the man every day who raped you, is unbearable.  going to sleep is a battle, fear keeping you at the verge of consciousness.  you don’t ever calm down, your nervous system standing on end, hypothalmus in overdrive, and muscles ready to run or fight at any given moment.  for years.  years you are tormented by the site of the man next door, his face hovering over yours, threats spewing out of his mouth.  you hold back tears during the flashbacks bc you can’t answer the questions everyone asks you.  you must paint on a smile and hope noone sees through your bullshit facade of happiness.

four years later, you have settled into your self loathing and self blaming, you are comfortable with your fear.  you tell your friends and they tell your parents.  speaking the truth for the first time in four years.  now, your parents tell you you need to go to the police.  everyone tells you you need to talk about it, you need to help stop this monster from doing this to anyone else.  the lives of other innocent young girls are now on your shoulders.  you tell your story to strangers over and over again.  you have ppl question you, doubt you, believe you, ppl look at you with sympathy in their eyes, and your parents cry and blame themselves.

you go to court, and go through a trail.  this is no longer about justice for what has happened to you in the past, you are now doing everything within your power and control to protect that little girl that just moved into the neighborhood from going through the same thing.  you are fighting for her.  you tell your story to a room full of supporters and strangers facing the man who has changed your life forever, physically holding onto the chair bc otherwise you might run out the door.  he is still scary.  you hold the picture of the ‘next girl’ in your mind and you swallow and you tell your story from years ago.  you do it for her.  for the next girl.  you did what you could.  it’s now up to the jury.

the jury leaves and determines that the man is guilty of raping you.  around you you can hear the sighs of relief.  you can hear the shuffle of vengeance.  is this real?  did they just say “guilty”?  it takes a while but it finally washes over you like a bucket of cold water!  he is guilty of rape!!!!  for the first time in years, a small bit of fear leaves your body. for the first time in years, you can relax a bit.

your parents hug you.  your friends hug you.  he was found guilty, and that translates into you were found innocent.

you walk back into the court room and the judge sets the sentence for the man who has tortured you for so long,  the man who took your innocence and who caused your neurological system to be on hyperdrive for your adult life.

“six years probation and two years in a non-violent community corrections center” is what judge james w. woodroof, jr. sentenced a convicted rapist for twice raping a 14 year old girl named courtney andrews, who is now 20.  she is speaking up and out for justice!  she was silenced for 4 years by the man who lived next door to her.  the rapist, austin smith clem, lucked out in the defense attorney dept!  it just so happened that his attorney was childhood buds with the HONORABLE (gag cough) james w woodroof, jr!

just in case anyone wanted to write the HONORABLE judge james w woodroof, jr please do remember that he is a judge and if you take it too far you can be arrested…but i personally think he needs to know that he, not courtney, has the life of the next girl on his conscious!  so please keep it dignified and no threats, please. (i am not responsible for what is said to the HONORABLE judge james woodroof, jr!)

Judge James W Woodroof, Jr.
Limestone County Circuit Court
200 Washington St. 3rd Floor
Athens, AL 35611
Phone: (256) 233-6410
Fax: (256) 233-6664

please help identify and capture this man who was caught having sexual relations with a child

please help identify and capture this man who was caught having sexual relations with a child

rapist

the fbi is searching for this man, seen on video having sexual relations w a child.  they are not sure where the video was recorded or who the man is, i don’t think they even know who the child is.  it is thought he may have referred to himself as “jimmy”.  this picture needs to go around everywhere so this man can be stopped!  child molesters/rapists/sexual abusers don’t stop.  they will forever hunt, haunt and assault ppls in the most despicable ways!  please spread this picture around so this man can be taken out of society!

prochoice =pro-growingupinanuturingatmosphere

prolife anti human

the argument against abortion has always been on the basis of morality of killing an innocent human being who just happens to be a fetus. and this has been a great motivator to continue legislation for making abortions less accessible for women at every turn.  this revamping of law does nothing to stop women from having abortions, what it does do is force women to have more risky procedures and clouds the judgement of ppl after the procedure is done.  for the women that are put into positions of carrying a fetus against their will and desire are forced into motherhood when not ready or not willing to be one.

there are a few phrases the prolife teams use to shame women into being unwilling incubators to unwanted fetuses.  the worst of these coined terms is “if a pregnancy is the result of a rape, then the idea of abortion is understandable.”  is this decision based on a rape that has been proven in a court of law or is the woman also responsible for proving it was an act of rape, taking up to a year to pull through the justice system?  is it only violent rape or does date rape count too?  what is the difference between a fetus conceived of rape and one conceived of lust?  the fetuses of both acts are the same.  they develop at the same rate.

“if a woman is mature enough to open her legs, she should have to live with the consequences of her actions.”  this is essentially using the would be child as punishment for having sex.  the pregnancy a huge growing scarlet “a” for all the world to see.  when this is the situation, how is the woman going to view the child when it is born?  is it assumed that this will not create animosity and loathing, or is this not a concern?  neuroscience has proven that when a mother, therefore a fetus, is exposed to trauma and hazards the neurodevelopment of child that is born is abnormal and the mental capacities unstable.  so when we force women to carry babies unwillingly they are born already 6 steps behind.  even if the child is given up for adoption immediately after birth, there is a 50/50 chance that the child will suffer from illnesses induced during gestation.  a child is not a punishment.  it is a person.  everytime we slut shame women by forcing them into motherhood we are running the risk of bringing in a new generation of PEOPLE who are unable to thrive.

“when a woman has an abortion, she is killing a baby.”  this is bullshit!  this is not real and so incredibly inaccurate according to science!  for the first trimester the clump of cells is an embryo, it then becomes a fetus.  it will not be a baby until it is outside of the mother’s body.  the fetus will not have the biological factors for responding to stimuli until about 20 weeks after conception.  until the fetus can respond to stimuli it has less neural activity than an ant.  we as a collective species have no issues with killing ants, most ppl have no issues with killing vermin such as roaches, rats, mice, even opossums, which all have more neural development than a 19 week old fetus.   there are many states that are forcing women to undergo vaginal sonogram prior to an abortion forcing the mother too look at the clump of cells calling it her “baby” the entire time.  despite the humanoid shape, this is just a cluster of cells until week 20.  forcing the mother to look at her baby that she is going to kill does cause many women, especially young women, to maintain the pregnancy, but what are the long term repercussions of that?

if a woman does not want a baby and is forced or coerced into continuing a pregnancy there are many many things that can go wrong.  if a woman does not want to be pregnant she is more than likely not going to be taking the necessary precautions and actions to produce a healthy child.  diet, emotional stability, physical activity are all good things for a fetus to be exposed to during gestation.  drugs, alcohol, homelessness, poverty, malnutrition, and chaotic environments are all detrimental to neurological and physical development of a fetus causing longterm issues for the child that is born putting a strain on the family and society at large.  many times a  woman is told that “there are so many ppl out there who want a baby! you can have that baby and give it to a loving family that can’t have a baby of their own.” which seems simple and a bit utopian.  but even when a woman knows she cannot raise a child and cannot provide a stable home for the child carrying a fetus for 9 months, feeling it move and kick, having it take the calcium out of your body, expelling it from your body causes a compulsionary need to continue to provide for the squirmy little baby that they place in your arms.  many times it is a selfish desire, the mother avoiding the pain of losing what she created, what she protected, what fed off her body.

when a woman wants to have an abortion, it is usually in the best interest of all involved.  it is usually the most difficult decision she has to make, but she makes it bc the options are too devastating.  despite what radical religious ppl think, women do not want to use abortion as birth control.  it is painful, physically, mentally and emotionally.  unwanted pregnancy is usually do to proper birth control failing otr inadequate sex education.  forcing a baby unto a woman who is not willing or able to be a mother for the rest of her life the consequences are child abuse, neglect, poverty, cruelty, emotional trauma, the list can go on and on.  it is a cruel and unusual punishment for the child.

if you want to do something to prevent ppl who are not wanting to have babies from having babies, invest your time and money into campaigning for free and appropriate birth control and sex education, this is the best anti-abortion technique known to work.  picketing abortion clinics and slut shaming women who get pregnant are counterproductive to society as a whole.  harassing the drs and nurses that abort fetuses that have been exposed to drugs or alcohol or are being carried by women who know for sure they are not able or willing to take care of a child is asinine.  it is time we look at what the end result in our collective social sexual taboos and punishing women for having sex actually is-it is women leaving babies in trash cans, drowning her children, tearing the scrotum off of her son, punching children, burning children, leaving children in locked cars or in houses alone.  it is broken families and scars.  when we give a clump of cells that cannot discern light from dark more rights and freedoms than we do a person, we are destroying lives!

for an article about fetal neurodevelopment click: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17905181

for article on woman who ripped her son’s scrotum prompting this blog post visit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/jennifer-marie-vargas-gentials-superglue_n_4156889.html