the itsy bitsy spider

the echoing residue of lives forgotten or tossed aside

trash

the air is thick and uncomfortable

blinding and back-breaking

the great expectation

hanging and hovering

caught in the web

lilith cursed for refusing to submit to her fella

she was defective

choirs of prepubescent boys

sing to the love and honor

of adam

the desperate clingy eve

on a midsummer night

fruit in hand

forgetting the first

the equal

the wife who refused to consent

pissing off the god of the twelve tribes

a dash of mockery smiling

the over-zealous feminine

with too many opinions and demands

now spinning webs

chasing flies for the remainder of eternity

painted in the color of demons

the succubus with wet  red lips

tempting promising with glances of lust and hunger

mouth watering

she was just too much woman for to keep

wild and unruly

enjoying herself more than her man

defining the core truth alone

the independence of nations settled in her heart

she refused weakness

the poor adam

a partner of opinions and legs laced together

no seed could be planted in that fertile land

echoes of begging

the god of the jews

the el

the big boss

the man of the hour waiting

the cycles set in

spring turned to summer

summer into fall

and god deemed him worthy

the creation of eve

the warm waters

the gift of the ignorant gal

made of the flesh

forced love and hope

there would be no intermission

no illusion

no trust

no light

o, what a stupid creature

so easily manipulated by nature

using sex

the twisting writhing hips of lust and power

feeding the forbidden fruit

fucking into senslessness

the power held in the warmth between her legs

a weapon of mass destruction

no escape

bound together in rejection

faces behind masks

hide and go seek

with the omnipotent

the creature of all good and bad

every knowing

the land of milk and honey is just a time of conception moving through all

and embracing life

and love

and hope

and fear

disasters and earthquakes

until one day the oxygen runs out

the physical rots down to sweetness

we are granted now

chasing after what you have is an attempt to hold light

the silly games

the power struggles

the need for different

for more and more

it is inside

between the nucleolus and electrons

the subatomic space

is a jazz club full of smoke and pretense

asking permission for pardons

an unnecessary task

passing the buck

absolving actions and inaction

promising a reprieve from guilt

acquired through moments of apathy

the love story of human birth found in leather binding

bought and sold

the lifetime original movie

with the twist and turns of a damn good drama

mother eve set us up

lilth ran too far

adam is now growing weed

while the christ sits on a beach in florida drinking a corona and jello shots

a liberation in motel rooms

halos for sale in on street corners, jack

there is a good deal of toxicity and loathing left over and put on ice

hell for the masses lake of fire and all

fear is not faith

faith is not afraid

lilith whispers in the ears of women at night

giving them tthe strength to fight

there will be a day when faith is not needed to determine action and feelings

the men will laugh and the ladies will play

dancing under the stars lunar spotlight

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the papal playdates and prada shoes

“hon, just remember the lord ain’t gonna give you nothin you can’t handle!”

an interesting philosophy

something to snuggle up with by the fireplace

covered in soft cashmere

hair combed

teeth whitened

smelling of gardenias

this theory

this manner of determining how much shit one person can endure

a choir singing exemptions for social responsibility

a sweet honey of apathy

“i will be praying for you”

“it’s just a test of faith”

“the glory of god on high”

lighting candles

kneeling

rubbing rosary beads

until fingertips blister

acceptable incantations in ritual absorbed

consumed and metabolized

“i believe in god, the father”

“full of grace”

“hail, mary, the lord is with thee”

blessed martyrs

blah the poor

friday’s fish and sunday’s hangover

the embodiment of god’s grace

wearing rings of gold and chunks of teeth

the invisible palms of the omnipotent throwing humanity under the bus

the new ra-horakhty

living suspended

in the sky of the western horizon

refusing to mingle with the commoners

above, aloof and standoffish

hosting the dinner party but refusing to welcome the guests at the door

only coming down to kick ’em in the ass on the way out

with a wink and nod

big brass bands

wide staircases of marble

walls dripping scarlet velvet

not really the place for street rats and gutter trash

squatters without water

those that can remind those that can’t

sitting above it all sipping cognac

those of us not engulfed in holy flames

meager beggars at the door of heaven’s mansion

scraping

bleeding

fucking

anyway to get from monday to tuesday

in a somewhat unscathed fashion

walking almost whole into alleys

desperation is the best friend

of those who sleep in puddles

the rank mildew of humanity

in secret places

holding their breath

emerging from sewers

the underground penthouses of the rotting

streets filling with junkies and whores and junkie-whores line dancing

doing the downtown shuffle

eyes deep and hallow bones protruding

knees scraped and bruised

the thick aroma of cock on exhalation

we don’t have no good times

there is nothing sacred going on here

the price of salvation rising with property taxes and suburban homes

your prayers don’t buy dinner

your faith is not tender we take

the sacrament, body and blood, a full meal for the starving

your righteous indignation and arrogance is not needed

we don’t need your gospels

poetry of psalms can’t keep us warm

hosanna who has come in the name of the lord has dodged and ducked

the masterful playwrite and kid are taking off leaving the bill unpaid

as you slip into your car and lock your door

fearing god’s blessed

the book of your truth and hope

your mythology

gives no exception for the image created

the troll and the angel captured and melted together in a symphony

the art of life you turn away from

the purulent abscess

the wretched

those oozing on the corners with cups and signs

easily overlooked

the image of god forgotten and hidden

the christ with a needle in his arm

god is a duck

duck god

i am overwhelmed right now.  i woke up this morning to a barrage of insanity on my facebook page.  a hell-fire of christian v atheist knock down drag out over a potato that was in the shape of a duck w the captioning that says “this is obviously the sign of a higher power.  which proves god is real and a duck.”  and so it began.

i personally am a unitarian universalist, which is more of a meshing of philosophies w each individual’s concept of god or a higher power or lack thereof.  there is no deity or one book that uu’s work out of, but it does draw it’s philosophies from different religious and philosophical backgrounds.

like many other ppl who have found sanctuary in the uu faith, i suffer from my own past history w christianity or cross cringe.  growing up in a catholic family for the better part of my childhood, until age 10, indoctrinates many beliefs and a great amount of shame and self loathing.  i stopped going to church when my parents were divorced-the catholic church granted the divorce for my father-meaning he could marry again within the church-but not my mother.  i cannot explain why this happened, i just know that it did.  when i would question biblical scripture, i was pretty much told that it is quite out of line and that sort of thinking will lead you to an absence from jesus.  i had a really hard time working this around in my young brain.  i simply could not understand why questioning was bad.  i pulled away, not only from catholicism but from christianity in general.  i read the bible several times, trying to determine if there was any part of it i could align myself, the way i was, with.  the closest i got was the sermon on the mount when jesus revealed the eight beautitudes.  other than that it seemed like a historical fiction, somewhat like gone w the wind.

ghandi once said “i like your christ.  i do not like your christians.  they are nothing like your christ.”  that saying resonates within my heart.  i have no personal dislike for christianity.  i just don’t believe that it is the real and only path, but i have met many ppl who draw comfort from the ideas of christianity, and i see absolutely nothing wrong w that.  i think that anything that can give you a spark in this world isn’t all that bad.  the problem seems to fall into the hands of christian radicals, but the church and christianity itself is becoming more liberal and accepting of new ideas.  the days of witch burning is coming to a close.

so the duck meme caused a ruckus.   at first it was a kid who i have gone back and forth with on his extremely catholic views and his self hatred bc he is gay.  then one of my dearest friends added his two cents worth into the mix, which sparked a husband and wife duo into a feeding frenzy with hatred at the helm.  the man said all christians should be murdered, they are inherently bad and ignorant.  my dear friend jace defended his religious views but that just lent to more hatefulness, name calling and the justification for such ideas that are violent such as wanting the head of all christians because christians were oppressive to other ppls, they were at the very center of every world catastrophe ever.  this is true, for the most part, not fully but you know it is pretty accurate since the establishment of the council of nicea.  jace was not saying that anyone should feel that they have to be christian, only that he felt aligned w that theology.  the other man was very adamant in his hatefulness against all christian based ideals using hate speech and terroristic threats toward my friend.  it was utterly ridiculous and quite cruel and hypocritical. “i want to kill christians bc they have killed other ppl!”

i have seen this sort of thinking before, and although i am not a christian i see nothing wrong w ppl following and relying on jesus, it’s when ppl try to harness you into their theology that i have personal issue w.  the actions of radical christians in response to their really screwed up interpretation of the bible has also been a major problem i have seen.  and although some christians are demeaning and debasing, it is not all christians, and automatically hating them is  as bad as christians automatically hating gay ppl.

the woman and her husband blocked me.  she wrote her opinion out in an email then blocked me so i could not respond.  and it makes me incredibly sad bc i was just getting to know this woman and i was starting to count her as a friend.  i have lost so many friends in the past 8 months.  i can’t help but think there is something inherently wrong w me as a human being and the way i align myself.  i am not sure that i want friends, at least not friends here.  i have cried all day bc of this.  at this time i believe the only course of action i can take is to just stay away from all ppl who don’t live in this house.  i am sure our mutual “friends” will be choosing a side alienating at least one of us, or spending their time w me talking about her and her faults and spending their time w her talking about me and my faults.  i don’t think i can deal w these sorts of things anymore.

no big deal, just another hate crime

Image

bottles against the skull

glass protruding shimmering

green in the moonlight

screaming dyke 

into the darkness

shadows dance

in and out of sight

darting from dumpsters

and into doorways

the smell of blood

yeast and rotten meat

creeps into the nostrils

and lingers in the throat

the cracking of bones

bounce from bricks

trapped in floating bubbles

tinkling into the streets

the sounds of screaming

underwater

surrounded by those

not willing to see

the terror down below

closing the curtains

and going to bed

leaving a huddled mass

alone and forgotten

the darkness as a blanket

damp velvet shroud

under the light of venus

leaving keratin 

and chunks of epidermis

in the puddle of coors light

tonight was the night

we lost another warrior

another beauty

sentient being ceases

to take a breath

we are hunted

trapped and broken

terror echoing in every cell

the expendable the unwanted

we are monsters of humanity

trying to escape

justified hatred

genocide forgiven

sanctioned and demanded

from your god above

it is war 

 

avoidance of privilege

avoidance of privilege

when i read the article about shannon gibney, i was reminded of all the times that i have come face to face with the mindset of “i don’t have any more privilege than you do!”  i am reminded of all the times i have heard white ppl say “well, we can’t have a white entertainment television station!”  or “there is not a white history month or a straight pride month!”  and it usually befuddles me into muteness, primarily because i know the ppl who are saying this don’t mean to push the oppression of others to the wayside they are simply in a defensive posture, they are interpreting white cis/straight male christian rich privilege in general and them as individuals.  yes. we all know YOU never did this to any BLACK person, YOU were not the ones who beat that TRANSWOMAN to death…everyone acknowledges that it was not YOU specifically, but to allow ego to get in the way of seeing reality from the perspective of the others is up to YOU!

i do not look at heterosexual ppl as though they themselves personally are out to get me personally, but there is a knowledge that i am different and i can be in danger at any moment at the hand of a heterosexual person.  that is just real.  as a women i do not look at all men as rapists and misogynous asses, but i do know that i can be on the receiving end of hatefulness, discrimination and harm at the hands of men.  i know my value socially is smaller than that of my male counterparts, but i do not think that the individual men in my life see me that way at all

i also have to admit that while i am on the outskirts of wasp culture, i know that i have a certain amount of privilege bc i am white.  i am able to get away with things bc i look the way i look.  for example, despite the realities of drug culture, i am the least likely to get pulled over for suspicion for drugs bc i am a white female in my 30’s, and as long as i stay in my neck of the woods i am relatively safe from a drug bust.  i am also less likely to be suspected of shoplifting.  that is real.  am i proud of that?   no, it is horrible, but not recognizing that it is reality is even more demeaning than the idea itself.  it is not until we take a good hard honest look in the mirror and at the world that these imbalances will continue to happen, causing more of a rift in the social fabric.

the reality is the western world was founded on the idea of diachotomy: good or evil, black or white, light or dark, male or female.  the judeo-christian values fuel our morals, despite more and more ppl pulling away from christanity and turning to agnosticism and atheism, the golden rule of conduct is still based on abrahamic law.  capitalistic races divide us into classes, and this has been used to cause a chasm between the poor ppl of color and poor white ppl for centuries-historically, in the united states and in most of europe the lines of division were not based on skin color, there were white slaves and many ppl with white skin were not considered white, but that was dangerous to the land owners and so a rift was created intentionally giving the white slave a better station and calling them indentured servants instead of slaves.

so what does all this mean?  it means that when ppl talk about privilege they are not necessarily talking about you, unless you are contributing to the problem on a personal basis. it means that those with privilege can use their power to help those who don’t have the same opportunities.  it means that we need to take some ownership of historical elements of oppression at the hands of our fathers and try to do what is right and just among all ppl.  telling people who have had their culture stolen, ripped away, burned, people who watched as their grandparents suffered to stifle their anger and refusing to look at it as real is so degrading.  it is real, it is still real today!  choking large populations of ppl so they can’t speak anymore is not solving anything except to make you a bit more comfy.