i am overwhelmed right now.  i woke up this morning to a barrage of insanity on my facebook page.  a hell-fire of christian v atheist knock down drag out over a potato that was in the shape of a duck w the captioning that says “this is obviously the sign of a higher power.  which proves god is real and a duck.”  and so it began.

i personally am a unitarian universalist, which is more of a meshing of philosophies w each individual’s concept of god or a higher power or lack thereof.  there is no deity or one book that uu’s work out of, but it does draw it’s philosophies from different religious and philosophical backgrounds.

like many other ppl who have found sanctuary in the uu faith, i suffer from my own past history w christianity or cross cringe.  growing up in a catholic family for the better part of my childhood, until age 10, indoctrinates many beliefs and a great amount of shame and self loathing.  i stopped going to church when my parents were divorced-the catholic church granted the divorce for my father-meaning he could marry again within the church-but not my mother.  i cannot explain why this happened, i just know that it did.  when i would question biblical scripture, i was pretty much told that it is quite out of line and that sort of thinking will lead you to an absence from jesus.  i had a really hard time working this around in my young brain.  i simply could not understand why questioning was bad.  i pulled away, not only from catholicism but from christianity in general.  i read the bible several times, trying to determine if there was any part of it i could align myself, the way i was, with.  the closest i got was the sermon on the mount when jesus revealed the eight beautitudes.  other than that it seemed like a historical fiction, somewhat like gone w the wind.

ghandi once said “i like your christ.  i do not like your christians.  they are nothing like your christ.”  that saying resonates within my heart.  i have no personal dislike for christianity.  i just don’t believe that it is the real and only path, but i have met many ppl who draw comfort from the ideas of christianity, and i see absolutely nothing wrong w that.  i think that anything that can give you a spark in this world isn’t all that bad.  the problem seems to fall into the hands of christian radicals, but the church and christianity itself is becoming more liberal and accepting of new ideas.  the days of witch burning is coming to a close.

so the duck meme caused a ruckus.   at first it was a kid who i have gone back and forth with on his extremely catholic views and his self hatred bc he is gay.  then one of my dearest friends added his two cents worth into the mix, which sparked a husband and wife duo into a feeding frenzy with hatred at the helm.  the man said all christians should be murdered, they are inherently bad and ignorant.  my dear friend jace defended his religious views but that just lent to more hatefulness, name calling and the justification for such ideas that are violent such as wanting the head of all christians because christians were oppressive to other ppls, they were at the very center of every world catastrophe ever.  this is true, for the most part, not fully but you know it is pretty accurate since the establishment of the council of nicea.  jace was not saying that anyone should feel that they have to be christian, only that he felt aligned w that theology.  the other man was very adamant in his hatefulness against all christian based ideals using hate speech and terroristic threats toward my friend.  it was utterly ridiculous and quite cruel and hypocritical. “i want to kill christians bc they have killed other ppl!”

i have seen this sort of thinking before, and although i am not a christian i see nothing wrong w ppl following and relying on jesus, it’s when ppl try to harness you into their theology that i have personal issue w.  the actions of radical christians in response to their really screwed up interpretation of the bible has also been a major problem i have seen.  and although some christians are demeaning and debasing, it is not all christians, and automatically hating them is  as bad as christians automatically hating gay ppl.

the woman and her husband blocked me.  she wrote her opinion out in an email then blocked me so i could not respond.  and it makes me incredibly sad bc i was just getting to know this woman and i was starting to count her as a friend.  i have lost so many friends in the past 8 months.  i can’t help but think there is something inherently wrong w me as a human being and the way i align myself.  i am not sure that i want friends, at least not friends here.  i have cried all day bc of this.  at this time i believe the only course of action i can take is to just stay away from all ppl who don’t live in this house.  i am sure our mutual “friends” will be choosing a side alienating at least one of us, or spending their time w me talking about her and her faults and spending their time w her talking about me and my faults.  i don’t think i can deal w these sorts of things anymore.